This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  BakingQueen 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

  • Author
  • #71639

    Sorry ladies, to vent on here but it all comes back to. I’m in this situation because of an abusive man.

    (detail removed by moderator) a letter from tax credits plopped onto my doormat, saying I owe them money!! I knew I wasn’t entitled to anything from them this tax year. (because of the small lump sum pension I took this year and used to pay off debts, wouldn’t have done this if I’d known it affected tax credits) I found out I could get a hardship payment from Universal credit if I made a claim with them, which I did, which helped. But now tax credits say I owe them over £1,000. I had no idea. I’m gutted.

    I’ve got things to do with my daughter today, so I’m not ringing them, but I will tomorrow.

    It really is so difficult getting free from the effects of being with these men. When these things happen like my daughter’s recent difficulties, it just throws me back to all the questioning. Why couldn’t I do it differently, so that now I had more financial security? The answer is of course, him. I had to get away once I realised it was abuse and he would never change, didn’t think he was doing anything wrong, and I couldn’t think about the future.

    Brings back all the anger and frustration.


  • #71640

    I too got a letter from tax credits, years ago saying I owed them money, I took control of the situation by seeing an advisor from money matters, they set up a das scheme and I paid so much back a month. Even though my ex owed me thousands, I asked if they could deduct what I owed them from the money he owed me, but because it was two different benefits they couldn’t do it. It’s things like this that all bodies should be singing from the same sheet.
    It’s just another set back, don’t get to weighed down by it.
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #71645

    I feel for you. My ex has left me in debt as he was unemployed and an alcoholic. I’m just sorting my finances out now. It will take a long time for me to get up straight again, but I will and so will you.

  • #71648

    Thank you both,

    I’m sure there’ll be done sort of repayment option. It just felt like such a b**w. I know that as I’m so much further on from the abuse and his control I will sort it out eventually.

    Feeling angry has at least made me determined to find my way out of this. I can work. at least.


  • #71649

    Tis indeed a b**w Eve1. Have seen a fair few financial blows myself and no doubt will do in future.
    This field is tough for us as survivors, as ramifications of leaving often last for years. Hope
    you find a way forward.
    all best

  • #71764

    Well done in getting out. Its very hard. I left before universal credit, but the joy in my ex’s voice when he told me that he’d arranged to have my benefits stopped is something I will never forget.
    As IWMB says, get an adviser and arrange a plan to pay the money back. It’s a b**w but if you make an arrangement it will be a lot better than hiding from this problem. Good luck.

  • #71784

    Numpty this stayed with me all day today your post and wanted to say how sorry I am you had to experience this.
    I think more work needs to be done by orgnaisations on this ‘starve you out technique’ which abusers use.
    I had it too. It is terrifying and I still live in fear of it.
    all best. On the plus side the compassion we have for each other on here and our kids, if we are still able to be in touch and understand there are many who are not able to – compassion can never be paid for in money, therefore our abusive partners have lost their souls before they start…
    money can’t buy you love

  • #71785

    Hi Eve1,

    I’ve been in the same situation as you. Left with over-payments that I need to pay back. Pretty much a similar amount to you.

    When I phoned they were REALLY helpful. They set me up with the minimum payment which is £15 pm (at the time it was around Christmas and I was panicking about how I would afford it) and as long as I keep to that it will expire in a few years. It is worth giving them a call and explaining the situation, it worked for me so I hope it works for you too.

    Good luck! x

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account