18th May 2016 at 7:27 am #17502Bridget Jones Is FreeParticipant
I had to listen to more sighs all evening so I walked away and was busy doing other things than stay in the living room listening to his sighs.
This morning though I received another text complaining and apologising he is exhausted and says something has to change (ie his job again!)
How many times I have heard this over and over again, over the years he has done nothing else but complain about his job and how hard he finds everything, yet I used to tell him of other people who would be so pleased to have a highly paid job like his, how people fear financial problems, how he should be grateful to have any rise knowing how high his salary already is…
I have had to feel sorry for him for years. I understand how jobs can make you exhausted, so tired and sap your energy, but you have to find a way to cope, don’t you?
I have recognised over the years how he has used his job to try to make me feel really sorry for him and at times I have almost feared the worst, money, health, mental health, personal stability, but one day I sat there wondering why he constantly says the things he does, yet the minute the carrot is dangled in front of him he just grabs it and looks so …important and grandiose again. It is as if he needs attention and a constant reminder he is a great person.
So his short text this morning is another cry for help and I can’t help at all. I think he is jealous of my own situation, I love my work, I work from home and I have a much easier life than his, but I also know how many perks he gets from his job, he has seen the world, he has so much experience, he is often hunted by head hunters, what more could make him feel good about himself other than develop an ability to cope the right way and see the good of his situation? I just can’t ”carry” him.
His abuse has expressed itself in false resignation warnings, pretending he had written to his boss about me and that he had just tendered his resignation, all this by phone text, and I have had to endure threats of suicide galore, and since I have been back from the refuge I must have had over 30 warnings.
Am I right in thinking that it is not my responsibility?
He knows I am close to deciding enough is enough, I saw my solicitor yesterday. I have warned him I would lead the way towards a full separation if he did not engage in normal conversations about our situation. He finds excuses, or gets angry. Violence is just under his skin, I know it, and I have already experienced it. It is sudden and uncontrolled.
I am not going to feel sorry for him. I hate receiving texts like that. Why does he send them instead of dealing with the ”right issue” and secure his marriage instead of mixing his job with everything?
I feel bad because over the years his threats have made me feel so cold towards him, I feel the only way for me to cope was to become quite an ignorant person towards his feelings of helplessness, I just could not allow myself to feel so negative about everything like him, he would love for me to go ”down” with him and I won’t allow that.
It sounds like such a pathetic cry for help, am I nasty?
18th May 2016 at 9:24 am #17507Confused123Participant
Ive just breifly read your post before i go out, just think of yourself and focus on u, this man hjas wasted enough of your life, wore u out enough, damaged the family, why waste more energy thinking about him, he never thinks of u . Ignore his stupid text, again he is sending them to mess with your head, welldone for realizing his not your responsibility and he chooses to behave the way he does so let him huff and puff away , u focus on u
18th May 2016 at 9:57 pm #17555Bridget Jones Is FreeParticipant
Indeed Confused 123, I am NOT responsible one bit.
And may I add that he was full of beans tonight, so, so much for feeling exhausted and that things had to change quickly…
No idea what game he is playing at.
Let him play.
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