moving on

[chocolatefudgecake]

When is the right time?

I have recently had a guy who i met ages ago come back into my life, im not sure what to make of it, he has always been there waiting in the wings, even when ive told him to do one! Obviously when i was with my ex he questioned who he was and why his name was saved the way it was in my phone, when i explained my ex went nuts cuz he is from (removed by moderator) and this guy was from (removed by moderator) , something about clash of the accents. So i was made to delete his number and block him. His number was added to my spam messages and i kept checking but no contact, intill one day i had a number call me which i didnt know and it turned out to be guy. To cut a long story short, we chatted for hours and we got on better then we ever did (he hurt me in the past) i laughed like i hadnt in a long time. He knows everything thats happended and understands but i cant help worry and get insecure. He says he is guna help get me back to normal and cares about me, he even said he missed me. Ive have always held a torch for him, like i always think about him but i duno what to do as my ex destroyed me.

[Falling Skys]

Hi CFC

I would say take it slowly, we are very vulnerable getting out of an abusive relationship. And I’m sure that they say to wait two years before stating another relationship.

I’m learning to love me at the moment, I do have friends of both sexes but not a boyfriend for want of better word.

Also you said that he has hurt you in the past, this sounds like a red flag.

Good luck what ever you choose to do.

FS xx

[chocolatefudgecake]

Yeah he has hurt me in the past, but he was a idiot back then, his friends had alot to do with it but it sounds like he has head sorted. Ive warned him no messing around this time, we arent togther but we talk loads.
I know i need to learn to love myself, as i have more bad days then good. I just like the fact he is here for and listens.

Maybe im a fool.

Xoxo

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Ive been out (Detail removed by Moderator) years now and as much as i want a guy now i know i am still vunerable, soon as i get any attention i think maybe this is the one, but when i take a step back and look into these guys behaviour i see red flags and back off , yes i am still on high alert guard as i dont want to get hurt , but my gut instinct always says a guy that has hurt u in past knows all your weak spots and knows u have been hurt again will prob take advantage again. stay as friends but donot get close and be wary of what u disclose

[chocolatefudgecake]

I cant help get close to this guy, he is my go too, like a comfort blanket. We had a really deep conversation last night and he opended up massively but ive woke up this morning questioning him as im scared he will regret it or not mean it. But he is constantly reassuring me.

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Please be careful my lovely. You need to reevaluate things and remember to have a complete fresh start. You don’t want to be with anyone who sounds like he knows your weakness. Please stay away from him. I had an old school friend contacting me again and again and he was too pushy and full on. I simply told him if you carry this on I will never speak to you again. I said from now on I make a decision about whether I have a man in my life and I chose not to so get lost otherwise I’ll ignore you forever then he was like sorry sorry sorry. I said you’re a friend and that’s the only way it’s staying so stop it! He’s completely backed off you need clear boundaries x

[Confused123]

HI AGAIN

HOW ABOUT SAYING TO HIM U JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS AND THATS IT AND SEE IF HE CAN RESPECT THAT

[chocolatefudgecake]

Positive and looking ahead-if im honest i dont think im ready to move on as im still grieving for what i had before, i actually really miss my ex and its only just dawned on me, maybe im so confused i duno what i want anymore.

Confused123- he is the one that just wants to be friends, its me thats pushing for more

[SaharaD]

It’s not time. It’s too early and you are too vulnerable. Organisations that deal with abuse recommend waiting 2 years.

Yeah this guy sounds great but it’s only an emotional crutch at a vulnerable moment. I’ve been seeing a guy once a week for over a year now and he still doesn’t know I was abused. someone who knows “everything” has the potential to use your vulnerabilities to manipulate and hurt you intentionally or unintentionally.

You want someone to talk to and it definitely isn’t this guy. You need a safe person and a safe place and another relationship with another man so soon is not it.

And hear this, it’s been a few years and I still haven’t “moved on” . I still feel “broken”. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me but there’s a melancholy that follows me.

If you are confused now is the time to spend a lot of time with yourself to make things clearer. Not spending hours talking to a guy who hurt you before.

I suggest the freedom programme and books on abuse.

[chocolatefudgecake]

SarahaD- thanks for the advice your right there, i need me time. Im so lonely im clinging on to things with steer desperation.
Where can i find a safe person? Without looking for it in guys. Whats the freedoom programme?

[Racoon]

The freedom programme is a course run by women’s aid about domestic abuse. Usually attended by survivors. Women’s aid should be able to provide details of courses local to you. If you are unable to attend the course you can access the course online.

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

I attended the course and found it extremely helpful.

[chocolatefudgecake]

Okay thank u Racoon. Is there any other things like books i can read

[Racoon]

I found Lundy Bancroft, Why does he do that? A life changer. Its a bestseller on Amazon. Other people recommend HG Tudor books although I’ve still not got to reading those.

[chocolatefudgecake]

Okay il check them out, thank u

[EeyoreNoMore]

Lundy all the way, such an incredibly helpful book.

xx

[Author]

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