Moving on?

[Aliceinwonderland]

Hi there,
It’s been a while since I’ve been on here and life is good I have financial independence, I am in charge of my social/ family life and running my home. I have started a new relationship and been on my first holiday with new partner where there were no arguments, crazy behaviour or episodes, like I had with my ex for many years.
Not spotted any red flags with new partner yet, emotionally I have felt much safer than I had done for years. We disagree but we talk things through, he doesn’t get mad or accuse me of things.
If anything I sometimes feel like I am the one who is hard work, I have episodes of anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. They are more often than not triggered by argument/ disagreements with my ex (about the divorce). It’s ridiculous because I don’t fear a physical attack. He’s had unsupervised access with children for a while now and never shown his aggression towards the children. Or towards me for over a year.
It’s the normal relationship I struggle with, I feel like I’m always waiting for an argument or for things to kick off. My new partner knows my ex was abusive but there’s so much he doesn’t know and I can’t speak about. In particular the coercion/ control and marital rape. I can’t go there, I just clam up and sometimes take it out on him.
With everything going so well in my life I feel like I should be happy. But I feel like I’m stuck in the past, I feel sad, and I know it’s finished and it’s over but I can’t seem to get over it.
Any tips for moving on?

[Anonymous]

hi
dont be stuck in the past. move forward take this new opportunity grab it by both hands and enjoy every single day of it. what you have been through is awful but you got away you are now in control of your destiny be happy and love it. he cant hurt you no more. the anxiety, insomnia panic attacks are normal that is the only thing holding me back now. i really hope i find my happy ever after i still have faith that one day i will get it. good luck with everything you so very well deserve it xx

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there Alice x

Have you had any counselling to talk through the abusive relationship? Perhaps there are still some things you could use some help with resolving so that you don’t feel they are holding you back in your new relationship. Having gone through abuse it is probably very hard to ever be fully rid of the aftermath, but I think we can learn to cope and in that sense move on. If therapy isn’t your cup of tea, have you thought about maybe writing it out? It doesn’t have to be on here, it could be as a journal just for yourself. Sometimes just getting it out has a sense of release and relief to it x

[Aliceinwonderland]

I have had some counselling and it has helped enormously, I just seem to go in and out of stages of happiness/ extreme sadness. It can be exhausting because some days I’m happy and I think I deserve this but then I get a flash back or a bad dream and I’m back there. I guess it’s part of the recovery…

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Aliceinwonderland, I’d suggest you to see your GP and ask for counseling again and medication to ease your phases of anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia.
Maybe you are finding yourself in a stage of your life where you feel safe enough to process your abusive experience, talk it through some more, in even more depth, clearly there is still some residue left which needs processing.
I would do anything to get rid of these intrusions on your beautiful new life.
Wishing you the best

[HopeLifeJoy]

And well done btw to have rebuild your life so beautifully 😌👍💕

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