Tagged: New partner spotting red flags
- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 days, 1 hour ago by
Enidblyton.
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4th February 2025 at 10:40 pm #173912
Enidblyton
ParticipantI am fresh out of a (number removed by Moderator) year relationship, which I’m almost sure was abusive. We split officially (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago. I had a lot of support and advice from a women’s aid type team and it is still ongoing. I have met someone new, he is charming, kind, listens. Gets on with his ex and see his child Etc etc. (timeframe removed by Moderator) an advert popped up on my phone whilst I was showing him something (on my phone). I quickly swiped it away thinking nothing of it. Then carried on talking about what was on my phone. He then said, (quotes removed by Moderator). I started panicking and checking my phone worrying what it was and feeling I needed to prove it wasn’t anything. He was calm but seemed genuinely shook about it, which made me panic more! It is worth mentioning my ex constantly accused me of cheating (which never, ever happened). This left me feeling like he doesn’t trust me and worried I will have to keep proving myself to him. We both had my phone and were looking for about 5 minutes as to what the pop up was and we finally found on recent notifications, it was an advert for (detail removed by Moderator). He was like oh good. And I was stressed to death! Is this normal. Am I overthinking? I am so worried I’m going to end up back in another relationship where I am constantly worrying over everything.
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5th February 2025 at 12:49 am #173915
EvenSerpentsShine
ParticipantOh how awful. I would have reacted exactly like you and got super stressed about it too. I was continually being accused of those kind of things too. Wouldn’t have any idea whether you should be worried regarding the reaction of your new fella, as I would be in the same boat as you with this, and very unsure how I was feeling. Was his reaction completely normal ( and maybe healthy to bring something up there and then and resolve it, rather than letting it eat away at him?) or is he out of line. I don’t know.
i hope some others offer their thoughts on it. You have my sympathy though, must have been stressful, must have taken you right back. -
5th February 2025 at 4:38 am #173917
Enidblyton
ParticipantThank you for replying, very much appreciated. You’re right in that he brought it up, and will discuss things openly, whereas I need time to process. I think the, oh good and relieved look is what got me. Rather than, sorry, I was feeling insecure maybe ? Because he said oh good and seemed relieved it made me think – did he actually, truly believe I was hiding something? I wanted to think he 100% trusts me. I’ve been trying to imagine it the other way round and although I’d have probably asked, what was that? I’d have probably tried to make him feel at ease when telling me and reassured him I trust him, but just wondered what it was. I mean, I should count myself lucky, my ex used to shout cheating c*** at me and even tell the kids I was cheating – he was awful in comparison. Maybe I need to stop comparing and relax myself. This guy is only human (then I have a sneaking feeling – God am I ignoring signs because I’m stupid).
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