This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Goingthroughit 1 month ago.

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  • #98877
     Goingthroughit 
    Participant

    Has anyone been left by their controlling husband/partner he finalised the Islamic divorce today in Islam you say it 3 times and she is no longer your wife he practices I do not
    Why am I heartbroken why do I feel bad and keep guilt tripping myself
    Why did I moan about the small things.
    He used to control who I spoke to
    Silent treatment
    I had to dress a certain way
    He hated me seeing family and friends
    I got called names
    I got furniture thrown on me
    I was told to respect myself and not talk a certain way
    Certain job roles I couldn’t do if heave male presence.
    We have a young child under 5 who he is amazing with but with me I always felt I had to be this person who I wasn’t when he was around and I got so sick of all of this I started to rebel and that’s when he got worse when he lost control but why am I feeling like it’s my fault because if I’d have done this or that different or how he wanted I would be alone now also when I tell him how I feel he says if I cared or loved him I m ew it was one word that could have needed us and I made him use it by disrespecting him all the time I mean yeah I did moan about kitchen hygiene or ask him to do things differently but he started to scream in my face and threaten me to move or I would get what for
    Please help I feel ever so low

  • #98880
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Could he just be doing this as a punishment. Many abusers break up with their victims as a push and pull way to regain control. The national domestic abuse helpline is a good source of support to talk to someone about what you’re going through. Just know that he chooses to behave this way, and nothing you could have done would have stopped it. He would simply have changed the goal posts. Abusers thrive on hurting us and watching us suffer at their hands. My advice would be to change the locks and block him on your phone and social media. You will get through this. Please don’t think he is amazing with your child. A man who abuser the mother of his child is not amazing. It’s now child abuse to abuse the mother as we know the long term damage witnessing this can do to a child and right into adulthood. Expect him now to use the child to further abuse you. Keep a journal of all his abuse and I’d consider talking to the domestic abuse police. Make sure they know of his behaviour which is illegal. As for saying three times and you’re divorced, it just goes to show the depths of his bond with you and your child if he can do this. Has he made it public or has he done it purely to hurt you? Abusers are selfish and nasty. Keep trying your local women’s aid and get supports. You’re not alone. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven.

    • #98963
       Goingthroughit 
      Participant

      Thanks KIP it’s been what (detail removed by moderator) days now and he’s being well normal just calling to talk about our child I did call him telling him how I felt but felt like he was adding to my guilt anyway I’m still heartbroken and want this adrenaline feeling to leave my chest I keep tearing up when I remember a good time just normal heartbreak really but feel it’s all my fault because a few years ago I spoke to my ex stupid thing to do I know but he holds it against me but yeah I just keep guilt tripping myself and I’m feeling embarrassed of myself that I’m u see (detail removed by moderator) getting legally divorced aswell but although I’m scared I know my child will get me through I just wanna feel better faster
      Thanks for replying kip
      X

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