My eyes have been opened

[Yesican]

Hi,

I’m new here and I’ve been reading some posts. A post mentioned the book “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. I can’t believe the similarities between some of the examples and my relationship with my ex. I knew that he was manipulative, angry, blaming, highly critical of me, controlling but I never thought of him as an abuser. We have been together for a long, long time and I have tried to end the relationship so many times. I get pulled back in by pity and guilt as he gets depressed and suicidal and he has nobody in his life.  Also he convinces me that it’s all my fault.

I have now taken most of my stuff from his house – I left a few decoy old clothes and cosmetics. I have blocked him on text and email (but he has gotten around that in the past by using new numbers and email addresses). There are a few things that I would like to have but I am not going to risk going there to get them.

I have found a patient therapist who has never told me to leave him. I am glad to have her. I have found some online resources too.

Wish me luck

[Lisa]

Hi Yesican,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. That must have taken you a lot of courage and you have done the right thing. Abusive men never take responsbility for their behaviour and will blame their partners, use threats of suicide as a tool of control- make you feel guilty. This isn’t easy but now is the time to put yourself first- you deserve that

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Yesican]

Thanks Lisa,

I have started the online Bloom course on Recovering from Toxic and Abusive relationships which I like. I am also trying to find out if there is a Freedom Programme running in my area.

I feel such shame that I stayed with him for so long through infidelity and alcoholism and his blaming me for everything. So I don’t talk about him to friends or family at all –  no-one knows how it was. I really hope I can make it free this time.

I’m going to get my hair cut tomorrow as he always wanted me to keep it long. It is very freeing to do what I want for myself!

 

xx

[Author]

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