My father died

[Freedom @]

This isn’t about abuse directly but i have to get it off my chest as my head is spinning…while i am finally out of a long term emotionally abusive relationship i feel worse than ever. My father passed away a few months ago. He was very supportive and my main confidante in getting out. ive often thought Did the stress of my relationship contribute to his death and i think it did. A family member even said it to me a few days ago that half the reason he is dead is because of all the stress and that i shouldn’t have been discussing my problems with him that only i could have got me out of the situation. The guilt is unbearable and i don’t know what to do. I know there’s nothing anyone can do i just needed to write it out.

[Mellow]

Your family member has no right to say that my dad died recently and I often think I should have been there more but it’s not your fault she or he is out of order

[Anonymous]

We all carry a lot of guilt when our loved ones pass away , your father would of wanted you to discuss your problems with him and help you , he loves you and wants the best for you , this did not contribute to him dying , you should not blame yourself and allow others to blame you . This is what family is there for to share problems, listen and advise best they can , he would of wanted that and he done the best he could in helping you . I gave my late dad no end of problems as a daughter , but he was still there for me as a father & daughter bond can never be broken. Guilt is part of the bereavement process , if you are struggling I would look into getting some counselling for your loss , contact your GP to make a referral if need be . Also I’m sorry for your loss x

[Anonymous]

I was blamed for my dads passing but that was because I was meant to visit that night and i carried that guilt for years after but now I think is wasn’t my fault his unhealthy diet and extreme smoking is was caused it and also where was everyone else cos nobody else visited him? And this relative pointing the finger as the others have said has no right blaming you, if this relative knew of the abuse you were suffering where was their support for you? Please try to not carry the guilt of your father passing (I don’t know what he passed from and it’ll probably be taken out anyway) but whatever it was was not through his help and support of you, your relative may have been lashing out through pain but it’s not your fault ok? 💗💞💗

[Twisted Sister]

I am sorry for your father passing, sending every sympathy to you at this tough time x

Your father obviously cared deeply for you or he wouldn’t have been close to you and involved in helping you out of your situation, he did this because he loved you, wanted the best for you.

Any guilt belongs to your abuser; when he makes one person’s life hell, the ripples spread out as this is what families do, they usually want to help, try to support each other. That was your father’s choice, he could have walked away and left you alone with it, but he chose not to. It probably gave him huge sense of relief and satisfaction that he was able to help you escape it.

warmest wishes

ts

[Author]

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