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    • #165683
      hkaisngkq
      Participant

      I have been used to my partners rage for years now but I have become so numb to it, so he says i’m dismissive in arguments and wind him up , (detail removed by Moderator) we had a big argument and he got so angry and grabbed my arm and twisted it round so it was bent back and he wouldn’t let go, but is it valid if I did wind him up? I used to get so upset when these things happen but I didn’t even care, I don’t know why I don’t feel , just feel so numb and hopeless and whenever I try to leave he just talks his way round it, I feel so stuck and pathetic , sorry just needed a rant

    • #165721
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Hello hkaisngkq

      What he has done is wrong when he twisted your arm. You are numb because you are living in survival mode and its a way of coping.

      I sometimes make comparisons to strangers, how would it be if you walked to a stranger and did this, twisted their arm back because they had annoyed you, you would be commiting assault. It makes it pretty clear that it is wrong.

      Nobody should physically assualt you for disagreeing with them.

      I too have at times became dismissive, or is it submissive in that I did not respond to my husband i would go quiet. Just didnt want or have the energy.

      I think whatever reaction you have to his behaviour, dismissive, submissive, shouting and screaming or walking away, it would wind him up. Its in him to behave this way and he chooses to treat you like this.

      I hope you are ok, hugs CB X

    • #165862
      Texas
      Participant

      There is no excuse on earth for someone hurting you that way. Being physically harmed that way is never your fault. He has a choice and he chooses to do that, no one makes him do anything but himself.

    • #165879
      Sad and alone
      Participant

      As CB says, look at it as if you’d seen someone do this to someone else. What would you think? I agree that sometimes you can feel like you’ve caused it because you’ve had the audacity to try and speak up for yourself. My husband has grabbed, pushed or lashed out at me a few times and the excuse is always that I pushed him to do it. It’s not a normal response. It’s violence.

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