My final (detail removed by Moderator) in the house

[bunsandcakes]

Hi brave ladies,

What a time. I move out in (detail removed by Moderator). Ive received good help and advice from women’s aid, have had 3 counseling sessions and have started an 8 week course on understanding abuse via my local womens aid. Things had been pretty OK since I told him.. a few moments here and there where he said vile things but no real outbursts / incidents until (detail removed by Moderator) when he really lost the plot. I had to call the police the next day and I have to go and give a statement tomorrow but I dont want them to contact him or visit the house etc. I have to live with him for (detail removed by Moderator) and then I move out. We have yet to tell the children – one just started school and one toddler. The school aged child is really emotionally all over the place and has taken to shouting at me like his dad does when he doesnt get his own way. Last night he asked me to tell him the story of how I met dad and tell him about dad’s life. I had to just suck it up and do it but it burns like a million irons having to talk about him so positively and relive those happy memories. I just cant believe Im here. I cant believe this is my life and not eastenders! I would never in a million years believe that this could have happened.

I just don’t want to deal with (detail removed by Moderator). I dont want to deal with living alone, Ive never done it before. I dont want to be a single mum of 2 struggling to work full time and do childcare etc. I dont want the rows and mediation and lawyers. I don’t want to have to live out of charity shops. I dont want any of this. I wanted to be married with 3 kids by now. I feel like everything is completely smashed apart and yet I know that all those options are better than staying with him and living like I have been doing.. being spoken to like complete dirt, treated like a slave, threatened and to have my kids think this is ‘normal’ when I now know its not.

I am really hoping I dont regret telling the police. I am terrified about going to the station tomorrow.. Ive never even been to a police station before! Now Im going there to tell strangers how horrible my partner is? I feel so guilty and I hate myself for doing it! Im scared of if he finds out or if I go on some watch list or it has negative implications for my children and their future. Its such an absolute mess.

Sorry this post is so negative. I just feel utterly overwhelmed.

[Falling Skys]

HI BS

You are a brave lady too, the police were great with me.

Abuse you keep quiet about it but the more you speak out it will make more sense and it will make you stronger. Our silence is an abusers biggest tool, you, like I and all the other ladies here did not ask to be abused so try to not feel guilty about it.

I stayed will my abuser because I was to scarred to get out, my son is now abusive, my daughter’s partners have all been abusers, that is my biggest regreat.

Once you are out things will improve.

I will be working pass retirement age,I will be do the second hand shops, but what ever I have will be mine and he wont be able to take it away from me.

Every day you are nearer to freedom.

Good luck

FS xx

[KIP.]

Take this opportunity to get a non mol order and have him removed until you sort your head out. You need to stay away from him at this time. My ex went nuts at this time too. He was arrested and i got time to get free and safe. It also means he stays away from kids for a while. No negative influences till you are living separately. You cannot sort things on your own. Take help from the police now. It will go in your favour later when he contests visitation etc x

[Author]

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