My heart is racing

[marmaladechamp]

So I just had a call from one of my outreach workers. My case was identified as high risk and goes through some safeguarding forum and she was calling me to talk to me about it. She read through the referral letter my other outreach worker wrote yesterday and it was awful.

She was very honest with me about the potential danger of remaining at home and I feel sick and shaky and my heart is racing so much. How can I act normal and pretend everything is fine whilst planning my escape when everything is falling apart?

To top it off I am going to my friend’s house (detail removed by moderator) for a sleepover (detail removed by moderator) but my partner is annoyed because he thought I didn’t want to go and now he is going to be on his own (detail removed by moderator). So now he is annoyed again and I have to pretend it’s all fine so as not to alert him that it’s very much not. I can’t stay in the house with him all weekend and he just doesn’t know how to be by himself.

I just want to run away and scream.

[BeautyMarked]

It’s understandable that you should be feeling like this, you’ve just had some distressing news. It’s good that you’ve got an excuse to be away regardless of how he feels about it. You will be with someone else so you know that you will be in a safer environment without him around. You need to get away and breathe a bit. Just try to react as little as you can, don’t let him push any emotional buttons. Go to your friend’s and be safe x

[marmaladechamp]

I’m just trying to keep it all together but it’s unbearable. I can’t even process what she told me on the phone. I still feel like it’s not that bad but the statement was awful. I am in shock.

[BeautyMarked]

It’s understandable to feel in shock. It will take time to process. Are you to get away to your friend’s tonight? I hope they gave you some advice about what to do and how to keep safe. That’s a lot to take on board. If he’s annoyed, I hope there’s a way you can either go ‘grey rock’ or get away. Obviously act on the advice you’ve been given and if there’s a safe opportunity perhaps contact Women’s Aid.

[fizzylem]

It’s a bit like having a headache for days, the pain is still there but as the days go on you start to get used to it, even begin to feel this is my normal now – when it’s not normal, it needs addressing.

Try to keep calm, keep business as usual, peddle away underneath the facade that everything is ok; tell him what he needs to hear so you can get to your friends; then you can breath x

[diymum@1]

not sure what womens aid have said or advised. can someone come for you to the house? he is less likely to act up if someone is there. better still go when hes not around. are you tied to him? as in do you have kids or any pets? if not i wouldnt go back until ive been offered housing through wa xxxx i know its not easy but if theyre saying he is a risk get the police behind you. this is the hard time because were all over the place emotionally and when we get scared it almost paralyses us and our thinking plus reasoning xx this will get better its biting the bullet xxxx

[diymum@1]

youve not ive sorry x

[AlwaysSorry]

I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it’s good these agencies class you as high risk, it means they believe you and it means they will help get you out x It’s a scary feeling, having to come to terms with the fact he is as dangerous as he is, but indeed keep telling him what he wants to hear so as to not alarm him. Play pretend. And think about if it’s possible that once you leave to see your friend that you never return to live there again, only to pick up your belongings and then only when someone is with you, never alone. Let these agencies help get you out as quickly as possible and know that you won’t have to play pretend for long x Our minds protect us, that’s why you feel it’s not that bad, I didn’t either until I was out and everything unravelled. It will be a rollercoaster ride but the destination is your freedom and that makes it worth it x Play pretend and stay safe and get out safely x

[Tiffany]

Honestly, I would pack whatever you can without raising suspicion, and go to your friend’s house and stay there until you can go into refuge. Hopefully you would be able to go back in with the police to pick up your stuff later.

[diymum@1]

if you feel that our all over the place head space wise – think safety first over anything – you first and dont give him the opportunity to kick off have a safety plan and id probably give the police the heads up xx make careful plans this is a dangerous time xxxx

[Author]

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