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    • #155757
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      In a horrible way. I am broken, she was my best friend, she supported me so much.. including with my abusive husband, she immediately believed me and then saw it herself… my children are teenagers and I am trying so hard to keep my s**t together that I know I am taking far too many medications to get through each day, to numb myself.

      I also feel like my abusive husband has won (he thinks of everything like that and has to win)… as me and kids are going to have to leave our family home… I can’t go into why on here… yes I have legal advice and am aware of my rights however my disgusting husband is smart, he was ahead of me way before I even knew we would be separating… that kinda makes my blood run cold…

      I have been so strong, those early dark days when I dreaded getting out of bed and was in a sort of shock daze (when we separated), this forum (and medication and friends) held me up enough to get through that awful first 6 months or so…

      Today I feel so lonely, like I have made all the wrong decisions and I am still uncertain of decisions going forward….being on the Autistic spectrum (diagnosed Aspergers back in the day) puts me at a disadvantage, I have some support with this but I am so tired of fighting… I keep crying, I miss my mum so much, she helped me to leave him, she taught me so much… she went in a.sudden horrible way… my children and I are down for specialist bereavement counselling… my daughter will go but my son won’t.. he has taken on.a.few of his dad’s toxic ways 😢 it is so sad.and sometimes very triggering.. he sort of puffs up.and comes towards me with his shirt off and all pumped, I nearly cried the other day.and he asked what my problem was…

      Have I f****d up? I feel so damaged 💔 sad just broken and lonely…. some of you know my story from the beginning as I used to post a lot, so you’ll know how far I have come, why do I feel weak ..itnis getting towards the end of one part and the fight on the other part..I am so tired, my brain doesn’t retain much atm due to shock (I have PTSD because of how my mum died) … I sound crazy to myself as I am writing this, spinning and spiralling.. all too fast and too much
      ❤️ to all of you amazing women
      HFH

    • #155765
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Oh HFH I’m so sorry grief is so hard and it compounds all the other losses and injustice. It’s ok to grieve and cry and mourn. Please allow yourself that space I numb out too sometimes even now but in the end those feelings need to be honoured so we can once more walk forwards. You are a very brave kind and supportive person on this forum keep reaching out for support look after yourself. So good your mum knew you had got yourself and the kids out of that toxic environment My mantra if it might help is “this too shall pass” Big hugs xx

    • #155767
      Imonlyhumaan
      Participant

      I am so sorry for your loss HFH, watersprite is right it is okay to grieve and mourn. You are a brave woman and greatest role model to your kids and all women on here. I know your mum has been and will always be the proudest of you in everyway and of your kifs. Make sure you keep self care as well. Always here for you too

      xx

    • #155769
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Oh love 🙁

      I am so sorry. Sending huge strength and hugs to you. You are not coming across the way you think you are, so don’t worry about that, but its obviously feeling like you are spiralling.

      It must be unbearably painful for you. I’m glad you have some specialist counselling lined up.

      Take each day as it comes, one at a time. Don’t expect anything of yourself right now, ignore the unimportant stuff, and do all you can to ease your pain and soothe yourself. Keep talking on here if it helps.

      You must be reeling from the shock, all of you, and it can be hard to do the right thing for anyone in such shock and grief.

      Be thinking of you, take good care of yourself.

      warmest wishes

      ts

    • #155771
      Darknessallaround
      Participant

      I’m so sorry about your Mum HFH. Losing anyone close is hard, but especially when they have been such a source of strength and support to you.

      You haven’t f****d up, you are grieving. The loss of your Mum will be compounding all the other feelings you’ve got going on at the moment.

      Take some time to care for yourself, to grieve, to honour your Mum’s memory.

      Thinking of you and sending hugs.

    • #155775
      Twix
      Participant

      I am so sorry for your loss HFH 💔 your grief will definitely be mixing with all the other emotions of what you’re going through, my advice would be to write at every opportunity, get it out of your head & take each hour of every day as it comes. Look after yourself & know that while things feel dark now, you will move through it & come out the other side. Your mum will always be with you in your heart, nobody can take that away x big hugs x

    • #155777
      StrongLife
      Participant

      I am sorry your Mum died.

      I am glad you have booked in for therapy and seeking help.

      I am not sure if you have been to the funeral- this may help you.

      Your mother is still there helping – it’s just in a different way now – you will have memories and photos of her that will help you in your healing process.

      The pain will become less in time.

    • #155786
      Footballfan1
      Participant

      I’m so sorry for your loss Hereforhelp.
      This is truly heartbreaking.
      I can’t imagine the pain you are going through right now.
      I’m glad you are getting bereavement counselling.
      It’s a shame your son is refusing, but also it may be his way of coping, refusing the help.
      You shouldn’t have to be triggered by his behaviour towards you.
      It’s a really difficult position.
      Perhaps when he’s in a calm moment, ask him what you can do to help and support him?
      Unfortunately we are all aware when they start showing these traits, it’s impossible to talk to them.
      It’s an impossible situation.
      Have you anyone close that you can talk to?
      It’s heartbreaking you have to leave the family home.
      Are your children under 18?
      If so, you should be able to stay until they turn 18.
      Have you contacted sitizens advice?
      You need to look after yourself right now, no-one else will do it.
      Stay strong and we are all here for you.
      Xx

    • #155788

      Oh Hereforhelp, I’m so so sorry, that’s awful. Everyone has already given you great advice, I just wanted to give you my condolences. Grief is such a hard thing to deal with, especially when it’s someone close.

      I’m so sorry about your home as well, that must be compounding your feeling of loss. You are so brave and kind, please try and be kind to yourself now. You haven’t f****d up, even if it feels that way.

      Please feel free to DM me anytime if you want to. Sending all my love to you 💗 xxxxx

    • #155796
      Twitcher
      Participant

      Hi Hereforhelp,
      I’m new to this forum but you were the first kindhearted, brave, strong woman that gave me a glimpse of hope for the future.
      I am so, so sorry to hear your sad news, grief of a parent is unbearable, feeling empty,never think you’ll feel the same again, mind numbing and physical pain, they say the price you pay for love is grief and it is a pain like no other but I know from experience the pain will slowly get better even if you feel broken now.
      From your posts to me I know you won’t let your abusive husband win without a fight as you are what I’m aiming to be when I leave, a strong, lovely, supportive woman.
      Sending you lots of love x*x

    • #155836
      Marmalade
      Participant

      Hi Hereforhelp,
      I’m so sorry to hear your news. That is awful about your mum. I remember you told me how close you were. Sending a very big hug.
      I’ve been off the forum for a short while, so catching up on posts now, so sorry for the delayed response.
      I hope you have some support.
      As far as the house is concerned, I have a bit of experience there, so if you want to PM me I’m very happy to chat things through. I know we’ve chatted before, but happy to do it again, if it helps. Take care xx

    • #155838
      Nomorepain
      Participant

      Hi,
      I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. You are a massive support to so many people on here. Keep reaching out for support.
      All the best xx

    • #155849
      Sparkle wand
      Participant

      I’m so sorry to hear such sad news. I know there’s nothing anyone can say to make things better, I just hope you have some support round you & please be gentle with yourself. Sending you a big hug, thinking of you ❤️

    • #155863
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Hereforhelp I’m so, so sorry for your loss 💔

      I’m not very good with words but for me it’s something I dread, I am close to my Mum too, I cannot imagine how you feel and send you love and healing hugs.

      Love CB X*X

    • #155958
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Hello ❤️ yes we have had the service… that has helped now my mum is resting peacefully and not in pain.

      It was so sudden and so unexpected (there was an accident) that it shock me to the core. I started to fall into a dark place but a beautiful friend sensed I wasn’t right and came over and took me out for a drive and a walk… it helped me so much. The little things from others which are huge to me, that people can be so mind without any agenda).

      And all your kind messages ❤️ simply thank you as I have read them all a few times to gain some strength and grounding.

      HFH ❤️

    • #155959
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Sending thoughts hugs and love ❤️

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