My Nerves are a wreck…

[keepmovingfoward]

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ive not been on for a while now as everything blew over, started the divorce process last year, he managed to get control. I made peace with that.
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without going into too much detail we were only married two months when our lovely little bubble burst by his arrest for internet offences of the worst kind (esp in terms of betrayal for a single mum like myself) he didn;t move in til we were married.
all the letters i had last year (detail removed by moderator)
we have no assets but his letters moaned about the debt he got into for the wedding, and is expecting me to take on 4.5k debt!! now baring in mind we expected to start a life together, i had no idea of his other activities, but im once again a single mum of two! im fretting about the (detail removed by moderator)
not only for the fact i will be expected to take on his debt, but the fact i will be in the same building as him for the first time since (detail removed by moderator)
(detail removed by moderator) ive not seen him and managed to avoid any direct contact with him (hes dealt with my solicitor) and now im being forced by him to (detail removed by moderator). ive negotiated a side room etc but hes still not exchanged paperwork so ive no idea what game hes playing.
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but not knowing what his intentions are are making me anxious and a mess, its like turning up to a fancy dress party not knowing what the theme is. (trying hard to stay positive)

[freedomtochoose]

oh gosh, kmfwd, I love your user name.

I really feel for you in the run up. Remember how I felt at finance hearing after coercive control etc.

Ive read your post and this is what I think with experience I have.

I coped by trying to understand the court process(es).

Comforting is perhaps the following:

1. Abusers think that they have control over everything. This is a particularly stupid way of thinking when a court is involved. Sounds bleedin obvious but it is the judge who decides, not your ex.

2. What happens with the finance hearing is statements of assets (and family responsibilities like child care etc are taken into account by the judge).

Rationally, and I know it is easy to say from where I am right now – no judge in the land would wish to make life more difficult for you and the kids financially than it already is.

Don’t forget you can write directly to the judge in the run up – or clerk of court – and he wont see it.

McKenzie friend to go with you ?

ftc
x

[keepmovingfoward]

Ooo Thankyou, i didnt realise i could write to the judge beforehand.

i do have a solicitor and a legal rep. im not planning on being visible to him. as i feel that will make him feel like he’s won.

his look on his face and voice alone would be enough to make me want to vomit.

im trying hard to comfort myself with the court process, but i know others where its not been so straight forward but thats been down to access rights, im grateful i don’t have children with him.

i am on a very low income, i just manage to scrape through from month to month. so the thought of having to make it go further freaks me. so im trying to have faith that the clean break is granted.

[diymum@1]

and although the judge looks like hes having a quick glance at the paper work at the hearing hes actually done his homework behind the scenes – so put everything you have down xx all your evidence xx i didnt have to do this but do they take dv into account ie financial abuse? x

[keepmovingfoward]

Thanks diymum@1
I’ve submitted what i can, i have legal aid via my support from womens aid for both the divorce and this.

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going on the length of marriage and i stated in the paperwork clearly that he didnt properly move in until we married, thats traceable on my tax credits claims.
the fact the marriage was so short and we have no assets suggests the likely outcome would be my clean break is granted so praying the judge is in a good mood on the day.

[Whywhywhy]

i could really do with a chat somebody

[Lisa]

Hi Whywhywhy,

Thanks for your post, if you feel up to it I suggest starting a new topic, as more forum users are likely to see your post that way. You don’t have to go into lots of detail, just a bit about how you’re feeling.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Author]

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