My partner gets abusive if I say my own thoughts and opinions

[Rosemary]

My heart is really hurting I feel emotional I feel so tired and physically and mentally worn out of my partner abusive. I am not allowed to have my own opinion or thoughts If I do my partner gives me mental toucher. I gave my own opinion because our opinions are different he expects me to back his opinion up. My head is really spinning I feel physically sick. Because his losts his mom and dad he uses that against me because I have my parients here he dont like that I can talk to mine but he cant talk to his they past away I understand this is really geting him down that his mom and dad are no longer here but it’s not my fault they past away he makes me feel that I cant even talk to my mom and dad to think what his going to say because he cant talk to his .he dont like my haveing friends this seams to be a big problem for him . He dont like me haveing my own time in a different room in my house or even spending time with with my kids in a different room . Me and my children respect him but his always puting us down when he gives me mental toucher. He talks to me like a child that I dont understand anything I dont now how he feels loseing his mom and dad he always uses there death against things and how his feeling it’s just about how he feels and just trying to control what I can and cant do which is so horrible. I feel closed in my own home I feel isolated. My partner cant see anything wrong with him self he cant even see that he is abusive and aggressive he says his done nothing wrong to me and his children.half of the day his giveing me abusive and mental toucher he blames everything on me even thoe I gave him all my love I still feel like I am not good enough when his saying negative things about me he trys to put me down throw all of his anxiety on to me . Being abusive and aggressive giveing me mental toucher is not a illness he nows what he is doing . I said to him to get help he dont listen to me but at the same time he cant see what his doing wrong .I feel like runing away far away from him I’ve had many years of this abusive from my partner he talks about the same thing over the years . I now what his saying is not right that his just trying his best to get me down because he wants attention he wants me all for him self its horrible feeling in the world that I just cant even do my own thing and not feeling anxious as I feel if I dont do things his way or I am not in the same room as him he gets abusive and aggressive at me.i am sorry for big message ladys my heart is just broken .

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel … Rosemary,
I understand its very frustrating when you are not aloud to voice your own opinions, but you are still aloud to have them in your head.
You could try using the ‘Grey Rock’ method with him. This is when you are basically like a rock and don’t react either way, this could wind him up though so be careful. The other way you could play it is to agree with him, he won’t expect this from you and might shut up quicker.
The more you try to fight and go up against him the more hurt and frustration you will cause yourself and it’s exhausting.
When I changed my thinking about my ex that’s when it got easier for me and my life began to change.
I am not saying you have to really agree with him or love him but when you try and fight hate with hate there is never going to be a happy outcome.
Start to lead with love, love for yourself and for your children and then for your home and for him.
I am not saying stay with him, I am saying while you are still there atleast make life as easy and as stress free for yourself as you can as at the moment it just sounds like your are completely worn down and this is not healthy for you or your children.
I hope that I have explained that clearly for you to understand and got what I was meaning across OK
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Rosemary]

Hello Darcy

Thank you for your love and surport I understand what you mean the thing is if I dont answer my partner he goes on and on and gets more abusive he makes me feel I have to answer him he goes well then do you understand if I dont answer he gets worse he gives me mental toucher its horrible I do get quite and I dont want to answer him even if I just keep the piece and say his in the right even thoe his wrong he still goes on and on I cant win if I answer or if I dont . I am feeling my worn out your right my lovely I am a strong lady but things do get to much some times and then I feel weak and tired of all the abuse I am geting my heart races I feel I am going to die with all thease pupltatons I have I try and detract my self even that dont work . My children are my world I am doing everything to protect them and that is what there dad dont like because he expects me to stick up for him if his in the wrong . I give all my love to my children I always will be there for them they mean more than the world to me this is why its hurts me so much when they see there dad geting abusive and aggressive because they dont need to see this all the time they also get scared of there dad it breaks my heart. Very soon I am going to see what my options are my Advocator who works with women and child that suffer domestic abuse she going to help me . I am going to try and be strong and get out of here and go in a safe house or somewhere safe away from my parnter I cant cope no more his makeing me so feel physically and mentally worn out and sick my hands and body shakes because of fear of what he will do next me and my children cant carry on liveing on eggshells or for them to listen to abusive it’s not healthy for any of us . Thank you Darcy for your advice I really understand where your comeing from xx

[Sungirl]

That’s really good advice Darcy, I found doing the same thing helps with my husband when he’s ranting and shouting. I just “ok”, or “alright then”. And he calms down quicker. Before I would get so annoyed and would argue back as I felt I had to defend myself. But it is exhausting and I would get so upset and emotional afterwards. I still feel frustrated, as he thinks he has ‘won’, but I think by being like a Grey Rock it helps you to switch off emotionally and you start to detach from the other person. Also if you have kids I am conscious that I want them to see a more constructive way to manage conflict

[lostcause]

I am in the same boat as you… I feel so lost and absolutley lost, my partner is verbally abusive but he has hit the bottom and attacked me Monday, he has bruised me, i have cuts, pulled my hair out, punched me in the back of the head, hes dented my bonnet with his fist.

and its always my fault!!!!!!!!! I cant air my feelings, i cant air how i feel, i cant air how i want to be treated or what i think.

I am broken!!!!!! I want to sleep and not wake up.

[Living Warrior]

Unfortunetly this is classic behaviour. https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/lwd.php
The link above takes you to the freedom programme page, i did the online course with womens aid, and it is a programme that forms around the book “living with the dominator” by pat craven. this was my first step into finding out about Domestic Abuse and how it works. It explains the different “phases” or “characters” of these men, and may help understanding why we are treated like we are.
alternatively. I have copied some of the info into a post on here. “know the signs and characteristics” click on my name and my posts should come up if you click on forum.

Remember never be assertive around these people- it is dangerous.

stay safe and keep intouch.4

[Rosemary]

Hello lostcause I really feel for you because my partner sounds like yours with I cant say how I feel my feelings are wrong he blames his own stress on me it’s not right how we get tired it’s all down to control they think they own us or they can control our thoughts and feelings when men are abusive they lower us and makes us feel bad for something we have not even said or done it goes down to there own ways of how they want to be abusive and aggressive controling ways they now what they are doing hun as my partner has admitted that his not ben nice to me and my children and he still carrying in doing it .

I hope you can get some surport please chat to woman aid and domestic abuse helpline they are very helpful also you can always private message me I will surport you i now how you feel it’s not nice thing to go thought

Your first step of being strong is to talk out in this form well done for reaching out sending you love and light please take care of your self x

[Rosemary]

Hello sungirl

I’ve tired everything with my partner when he gets abusive and annoying aggressive I either keep quiet or agree with him but even if i agree with him and just say yes okay your right he still going on for a hour or two what ever i do it’s still stressful. All I want to do is be quiet his telling me to answer him but I dont now what to say to him because what ever I say I am wrong he puts me down he makes out his telling the truth what he says when his not . With my partner its very difficult to calm things down he goes on and on which makes me feel so tried physically and mentally I dont want to respond to him he goes on that much he pressure me to answer him if I dont he gets worse with being angury and aggressive it’s just horrible. In my situation I dont think I could ever get him to stop being abusive and aggressive it’s really horrible it makes me scared when he goes mental half of the time it’s over just little things he makes in to big things .how can I deal with a situation like this ? I get scared and I shake so much when my parnter starts pupltatons really get on top of me as well .

[Author]

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