My personality

[Gerbil]

Hi everyone
I have always considered my self to be a kind and warm person who puts others first. I have always been a “glass is half full not half empty” sort of person.
I can now see that my personality is changing towards my husband. I am now indifferent to all his moans and whinnings. I don’t want to do anything in the house now ( decorating for example) as I know it will not be good enough. I have always enjoyed cooking and used to consider myself a good cook but now I have no interest in that as there is always something to complain about by him. I used to really take care in my appearance but have noticed recently that I am starting not to but then I’m always being told I am fat and overweight.

I would say that I now hate him passionately and I am struggling not to show that to him.

I don’t want to become that bitter person? Any ideas?

Take care everyone x

[nbumblebee]

Hey there yep i feel the same as you.
I dont want to make an effort anymore with how i look as i dont want him finding me attractive i dont want him to love me i want him to find someone else and leave me.
I dont like him anymore and am finding it so hard to be happy and content with my life. Ive lost all hope and love for life.
But is it any wonder we feel this way constant put downs and control gets to you makes you feel so ugly so useless so unwanted doesnt it im not sure how they can expect us to still love them after what they call us, like being nice for a few days can over ride all the nastiness.
You are certainly not alone sweetie I dont know what the answer is I really dont maybe you could try and do something for yourself something that you love thag will make you feel a little more content with yourself, even if its just a bath or read a book have your nails done but something thags just for you not him cook something nice for yourself just so you can enjoy that skill again dont let him take you away from yourself cause if you do what do you have left?
Sending hugs xxxx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Gerbil

yes, being with him will make you angry, being with him will make you sad, and in staying with this in your life long-term can make you feel like you have lost yourself to some, greater or smaller degree.

Its doesn’t make you an abuser though, if thats what you mean by changing you? It doesn’t mean you start to hate those that you love, although you may have less energy in your efforts to show that or to help others, but thats just because right now you are in need of understanding, care and comforts yourself.

It makes complete sense that you would hate him, and his treatments that are facing you with the darker and possibly what you may feel are more negative or worrying parts of yourself. Nevertheless those parts of yourself are your natural protections when in abnormal situations. Its completely normal to react badly to abnormal treatment. Please be kind and gentle with yourself and try to accept these parts, that are there, afterall to protect you and try to keep you safe, which is your ultimate priority, and you know the difference between acting out those feelings and what you need to keep you safe.

Try to find ways of releasing your anger physically, thumping pillows and mattresses are a quiet and unharmful way of releasing pent up frustrations and tensions/angers. Or getting an actual punch-bag!

Look after yourself and accept the whole of you and what you’re going through right now, which is not of your making.

warmest wishes

ts

[Gerbil]

Thank you nbumblebee and twisted sister for your replies. I often feel like I am going mad so reading your replies helps me feel more normal. X*x

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