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And I had to contact his father..my abusive ex. When I told him on the phone he started swearing at me…he then went on to say ” (detail removed by moderator) “. Because I’d stopped access and I’d be (detail removed by moderator). I stopped access because of his horrendous behaviour. Anyway he has now started saying …how we should (detail removed by moderator)…like tugging on my heart strings at a time like this. I’d never be friends with him we’ve both moved on he’s with someone else… he’s been trying to come to my house wanting to be closer to his sons surroundings… how can he behave like this? We had (detail removed by moderator) nearly of abuse he’s guilty and he’s wanting me to feel that guilt with him… I looked after my son 24/7 for a couple of years. Xx
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I’m so so sorry for your loss.
I don’t know if you ever watched or read Harry Potter, but I sometimes feel like the Dementors are based on these abusers. They are very good at spotting and fear or pain and using it to manipulate us, and that’s what it sounds like your ex is doing now.
And yes. This is that FOG that envelopes us. Fear, Obligation and Guilt. I found the Out of the FOG book really helpful. It’s definitely worth a read.
Sending condolences and prayers your way today.
Take care of yourself. You owe him nothing.
GR xx
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I am deeply sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine what you must be going through, and just wanted to send my heartfelt wishes to you at this terrible time. I am so glad that you had x years of being with him 24/7 that must be very comforting to you right now. You kept him safe from the abuse for all that time and experienced that time just being mum and son.
There is never any reason to speak to an abuser, so just keep prioritising yourself and your own needs, especially now as you are in a tough place. Take good care of yourself and hold those precious memories dear, and just shut out the ex completely. Keep your trusted ones close and let them know what you need …maybe someone else can do any relaying of messages and you can block his number and tell him not to contact again? or ask someone else to do this? Or even approach the police to report him for harrassing you.
warmest wishes
t
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Please don’t let him back in, you’ve done so so well without him you didn’t need him then (he probable added a whole bunch of toxicity to your life)he’s using the loss of your son (which I’m so so sorry for 💔) to manipulate you again you don’t need it, you’ve survived an abusive relationship, now your going through unimaginable heartbreak, the only people you need around you now are those that truly care and have your best interest at heart please take care 💜🤗💜
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