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My ex sent me an emai re our son. He wants to have as he described the liberty to ring me. Some of you may have read my post where I described the verbal attack I recieved from him and his brother. The tirade was inexcusable and yet all I got was ok you wanted to see our son, but now I want to ring you rather than email. I replied that the events of last week only served to underline that we couldn’t have normal contact, but if he had concrete ideas of how I could help my son who is depressed I would do my best to help. You see my ex has used my son to spy for him when he was living with me. He got him to help him install devices like nest which can turn utilities on and off, my post was opened and my ex was also in the house looking for paperwork re the divorce. Even this morning I recieved a letter which had obviously been tampered with. My ex has described me as formidable, but I can only imagine if I speak to him he will end up bellowing down the phone at me. I was away for few days recently and my son who never rings me or anyone else for that matter rang me up to ask where I was, I could sense my ex was right beside him. In the past my ex has betrayed himself by saying something that let me know he has been checking my movements. I am concerned for my son I am sure he was promised that things would be better with his father, but has learnt to his cost that this simply isn’t the case. I realise I can’t have him living with me and way all this push me pull you will confuse him further. Am I right to see this as a cynical ploy by my ex to try and get more leverage and control?
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You are right to feel your OH is behind this. Your poor son. Your OH is pushing your contact details you are right to keep it to emails, (he lost the liberty to have a conversation with you long ago). he can’t shout at you and you have written proof if he tries to bully you. Opening someone else post is an offense, so even tho it seems trivial id report it to the police, the same with setting up of nest. The stuff hes doing is spiteful and manipulative and shows how you are right in reducing contact with him. You may well be formidable in his eyes . The fact you are daring to stand up to him is making you formidable, not that you are in any way scaring him as hes trying to imply.
Keep being strong, keep making your boundaries, you are an amazing woman.
IWMB 💕💕 -
He’s trying to get leverage to control you because hes losing his grip on you. Its classic n**c behaviour. Have you read about n********m? I never realised up until recently a lot of abusive men are n**cs! One of the traits is they can stand there children to have normal healthy relationships within the family. Especially the mother! They see the kids as an extension of them selves. They can’t allow this because they have a warped or no understanding of how relationships work. Its all about their own needs and they don’t care about the repercussions even for the sake of their own kids! Sometimes knowledge is power and when you understand how they tick you’ll be surprised how well you will deal with him xx💕
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Can’t stand i should say xx
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Hi I want me back and DIY, can’t agree more with your obs and advice. Funny thing is he is calling me a (detail removed by moderator). No doubt he looked at my reading when he moved back in whilst I was in hospital. He’s not afraid of anything I’ve seen him do daredevil stuff that hardened soldiers would not risk. He is feeling stress because our son isn’t well so he shouts and blames everyone but himself. He has told me the kids won’t be seeing me anymore because of my mental health. They are adults but as you say Diy they are extensions of him. He tried to do the same with me. When I got knocked down and nearly lost my foot he took it upon himself to ring the doctor to suggest I might be suicidal. I’m done I will not be bothering to email him anymore each email is more venomous than the last. He wants me to sell the family home so he and my sons can get a bigger house. Everything is on me. Yet I am paying maintainence and despite not having to pay rent he is living in straitened circumstances it’s laughable. Tomorrow I see the big chief and I know he will be pushing me to retire I’m dreading it. How is it that these (detail removed by moderator) still get under my skin. My father was a wonderful man thank goodness I know better. How I ever got entangled I will never know. Big hugs for you both your support means so much. Until recently a relative was very helpful, but she’s battle weary this divorce is never ending.
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