Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #76785
      ddub
      Participant

      I just don’t know what to do now. My ex-husband is a sociopath, he’s on the extreme end and one psychologist said that in all their years of practice they’d never come across anybody as bad as him because he has been performing his entire life. I left nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years ago, in those years I’ve been put through hell and in that time my ex is even more full of hatred for me as time goes by – I have abusive texts as recently as yesterday,

      He used my son against me in his campaign of terror after I left, forced him to tell social workers that I was abusing him – he was threatened to say specific things about me under threat of starvation or a beating if he didn’t. It took a very long time to get through this including a period that my son was taken from me while I was investigated, I was also interviewed by the police as part of the process. The truth came out and I was cleared of every allegation while my ex is only permitted to see our son under supervision.

      The damage was done though, if my son doesn’t want to do something he turns into his father. I get the same insults, (detail removed by Moderator) he screamed repeatedly at me that I was hitting him and was a child abuser – he did this loud enough for the neighbours to hear knowing I can’t do anything to defend myself. He also threw things at me and has threatened me. To be honest I’m terrified. I had to leave the house for half an hour to calm down as I was having a panic attack and in this mood he’d get a kick out of it.

      I have told a family member a little of what happened (detail removed by Moderator) as I just can’t do it anymore. I have tried so hard to be both mother and father to my son but (detail removed by Moderator) row started as he decided he couldn’t (detail removed by Moderator) and I have been called all sorts of names, had things thrown at me and was threatened with(detail removed by Moderator). I honestly could have walked out that door (detail removed by Moderator) and kept walking as I’m both hurt and terrified, I’ve done so much for my son and been through things I wouldn’t wish on anybody that have shocked even police and right now I feel it was a total waste of my time as I’ve got a version of my ex living under my roof all over again.

      I don’t even know what sort of help I want here, I just need to get it out of my head and to ask I suppose it is time for me to start calling police when I’m attacked? I moved to a new area to put the past behind me and I really am terrified of going back to the dark days of abuse all over again with police, social workers and more back in my life again.

    • #76786
      KIP.
      Participant

      Sending you a huge hug. I know what you’re going through. This is the awful sting in the tail of domestic abuse. When our children become our abusers. You’re going to need to reach out for help from various organisations. What your son is doing is pushing your boundaries to see if and when you will push back. If he’s acting out solely with you, behind closed doors when there are no witnesses then you know it’s domestic abuse and he can control himself when he wants to. I’m estranged from my adult son now, it was painful at first but I’ve come to realise that I deserve better. Don’t know what age your son is but you might want to ring the domestic abuse police for some support. Even if it’s just putting a marker on your home. I heard a great saying about when you’re on a plane and the oxygen masks come down and the advice is to put your own mask on before you can help others. You need to have enough oxygen, to be in the right string frame of mind to deal with this. The NSPCC have a helpline. Women’s aid too. Keep reaching out and speaking up. You can’t manage this on your own. Do you have family he could stay with for a while till you catch your breath? It’s not your fault x

    • #76805
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi there, after what you’ve put up with with from your ex you need outside help with this. Hold on 💞 I agree that getting him to live with someone else might be a route for you to go down. This is too big to deal with on your own. Being scared of our own child is aweful. My son’s rage when he’s drunk terrifies me. Collateral damage with having lived with an abusive stepfather and a father who thinks smoking w..d is acceptable. Both of them have been terrible for his self esteem, paranoia, his whole life even. Please reach out, report him to the police too, he has to learn that his behaviour comes with consequences. That’s going to be really hard to do. Just remember, he is choosing to treat you this way, he knows it’s wrong. You are not responsible for him, yet I know you are taking the responsibility of why he’s turned out this way. This is down to your ex, not you. Unless your son can get onto an abuser programme, it’s going to take years if ever to get him to see his behaviour is wrong.
      One mum hug to another💞
      Try going grey rock, walk away, anything that’s gets you away from his rages and terrorising.

    • #76806
      diymum@1
      Participant

      this happened to me – exactly the same. i gave up and i sent her to her fathers because i had noone else to send her too. i just couldnt cope with the abuse and like you i didnt really want to be at home any more. it escalated to the point she through me across the room. womens aid may be the best people to advise – if your son will agree. parent line are a good starting point too. i dont think there are any easy answers in this – strong family members who can back you might be a good idea. its a staunch approach when this happens – as in not tolerating their behaviour. i am hoping eventually my daughter will see the error of her ways with age xx sending you hugs – this is a common theme in the aftermath of dv xx

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content