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Hi
*trigger warning*
I wanted to post my story (i’ll try do it briefly) in hope to inspire some survivors that have just left or are considering it. I love my life and I love being me! But this wasn’t always the case. My family were abusive growing up I might as well have been invisible. They were physically and mentally abusive I was what they called a “scapegoat” my sister the golden child everything was my fault and I was punished for it. I wasn’t fed and even accused of attempting to kill my own cousin who overdosed when he was a toddler due to the negligence of the family leaving tablets lying about.
I wasn’t allowed to leave the house other than for school wasn’t allowed friends etc. Naturally this had an impact on me as an adult and I fell into an abusive relationship. My husband never laid a finger on me and was very laid back and relaxed. However, he took drugs and slept with EVERYONE while I was at home keeping his house for him and bringing our 2 children up. I got tired of being invisible I got tired of losing friends because he would sleep with them. We owned a business together so not only was I left to bring the kids up but he refused to work and was taking more and more drugs I was exhausted and i’d had enough so I left.
I got a house and met someone new who was perfect he had issues with his ex and kids so would blame the early stages of his behaviour on this. I believed him. He moved in with me and my kids. At first he was over generous paying his way and good with the kids. Meanwhile my ex was losing the business and I wasn’t working. He asked me to help him keep hold of it and as I wasn’t working it seemed a good idea.
At home the abuse was getting worse. I would be beaten once or twice a week, my things were smashed (including my car with his van while I was in it). I once went through 3 phones in 1 week because they hit the wall at high speed! At work things were getting bad too. My husband had lost control of me so became violent! I was being beaten at work and at home by 2 different men. My arms from the elbow down were swollen and bruised. I felt stuck the boyfriend would change surely once things settled with his ex and I needed the job for the money as my boyfriends generosity had stopped. At this point not only was he not giving me anything he would take from me too! His exes TV would break he would take mine and give it to her!!!
The number of times my nose was broken was uncountable, The number of times I left never to go back was uncountable. I had been hung with a live electrical cable and would have died if it hadn’t have been for my neighbours rushing in after they saw him leave in a panic. I had nothing everything I owned was broken! I was raped daily (something I was ashamed to admit until only recently) to the point where i would attack anyone that touched me in my sleep. The emotional abuse was the worst he had me to hooked I couldn’t bare to leave every bad word was like a slash through my stomach!I would lie to people as I couldn’t tell them I had gone back. I had a nervous breakdown I still can’t remember to this day things that happened to me in those few months my mind seems to have repressed it.
My Husband lost the business and I my job I found out he had abused our 2 young children (they were too young to tell me). The boyfriend went to prison he was still beating his ex as well as me and it was a mixture of the 2 that saw him away. Contact with my husband was cut and the kids stopped seeing him alone. They would see him through my parents. I tried to fix my life. It was another survivor on the forums that helped me!
She pushed me to go to uni and told me how it would be and I did. During the first few months my home was deemed insecure (he’s kicked the doors through so many times they might as well have been made of paper) and I was deemed still high risk! (everyone i lived near still knew him and had contact with him when he was away) His release day was coming I was rehomed.
He found me and stalked me for many years. I was lucky my uni offered free therapy that changed the rest of my life! My children had bonded with my parents and they were close. I always thought what happened to me was my fault because that’s what my parents told me. The abuse was still there but nowhere near as bad it was enough to be affecting my life though.
My therapist taught me to bring myself outside situations she taught me how to react rationally to abusive situations she really helped me and slowly my life began to change. People around me would treat me differently, with more respect. It was through this I have been able to keep a relationship with my family and so have my children. She helped me identify the dynamics of the relationship and adapt them, change the power in the relationships. Except I wouldn’t abuse the power like my mother had. Whenever she behaves badly now It’s like chastising a child, Why did you do that? do you think it’s normal? do your friends treat their kids like that?. We have a relationship and I now too have one with my sister and this is something I thought would NEVER happen!
I accomplished not just 1 but 2 degrees and i’m now onto my third! I have a fantastic job which I love that I wouldn’t have gotten if it hadn’t have been for my own personal growth. I am a good mum and me and the kids are very happy! we have everything we want and need, we go on lots of holidays. I have so many friends that are loving and supportive. I have never had this type of friendships before I call them grown up friendships LOL. I have family abroad and they message me and say when you post something on FB it always makes me smile because it’s always good!
I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for my story! It made me stronger and in the beginning I discovered success was the best and most effective route for revenge and this drove me the more I succeeded the more the abusive people deteriorated. It didn’t drive me for very long I became motivated in other ways such as, personal independence and a more stable life for my kids and I.
I was once broken and felt worthless. I also thought I wouldn’t keep breathing if I left him! But here I am without both abusers and I have never been better. I have nobody draining me I look after me and my babies that is it. I cut people out if they cause problems in my life and i’ve never been stronger! My world revolves around me and that may seem selfish but by revolving around myself I am able to be there to give better support and a better life for my children!
Most days go by where I now don’t give a second thought to either one of them anymore and I am truly happy. I am still single (well the divorce is just began to go through) I am not looking if a man will change my life for the better he will come to me! I will not sacrifice my freedom, independence and life for anyone anymore.
YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!! If you’d have told me all this years ago I would have laughed and thought you were joking! Having my dream job, friends and enough money to live a good life while keeping my independence but i’m HERE.
Stay strong you never know where you could end up in the future!!!
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Just goes to prove what I know that abused women and survivors are the strongest on the planet. Well done to you and good riddance to bad rubbish đź‘Ź
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Bubbles, thank you very much for sharing your story, I’m very happy to hear that you made the life after the abuse happened. You deserve all the good things in life, after all your struggle. You not have only survived, but made a successful life for you.
I gave me myself a promise, to stop to drink – which I did, more than 13 months now, totally clean.
Self harming – I took under control, as I went no contact with this evil and there is no one who constantly uses me as a sex doll. As soon as it stopped, I did not have a need to hurt myself physically, to divert the pain, what was inside. There is no one to drain my life out of me.
I feel, I’m on the right path. Sometimes I feel huge anger and want to say in his face, like what all he did to me. But what is the point? He will deny it all, play with the words, turn very quick into blaming me, gaslighting, he is a professional on it. Instead of accepting his rapes, abusive behaviour, he will look for my faults and will try to make them bigger, belittle me and so on.
For the last 13 months my respect grew to myself, as now I stick to my promises. There is no one to push my boundaries, not respecting my ‘NO’. Still struggle, specially in the shower, as I want to wash all from me.
Found therapist, who said to me, she is able to help me to deal with this. Went on my first session.
I really hope, I will be able to get a relief from this, and this baggage.It is nice for me to know, that you did turn your life around, and I want to try to do the same.
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Thank you for sharing your story. Im just about to free myself and hopefully for good this time. It gives me motivation that yes, i CAN do it too. I dont need him to be happy because happiness was such a rare occassion in this relatioship. I feel like printing your post to have a constant reminder that life without abuse is so much better. I also just started a degree and it should mark the beginning of my new life. With him I doubt I could finish it.
Thanks again for your story and best of luck for you!!
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