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Today was an ok day. Then on the way home he lost his rag at something minor and threw my new CD out of the car window. Got home, sat straight down and I said ‘oh I’ll just sort everything shall I, feed the pets, put shopping away etc. And he replied ‘you could do with running around with the size of your bum and thighs, they’re huge, they’re out of control. He always says he loves my curves usually. I’m a size 10 and happy with how I look. As I was going upstairs I heard him say to our son ‘good thunder thighs has gone’. I don’t usually let his insults bother me.(i’ve literally been called all the names under the sun). But i feel really hurt. I had an eating disorder when we met and was (Detail removed by moderator) stone but he didn’t like that either.
He’s been calling me a s**t mum for babying our (Detail removed by moderator) year old by sitting with at bedtime or calling him baby. I’ve not been out on my own in the evening since our son was born (Detail removed by moderator) years ago, purely because I don’t trust his temper. He goes put plenty though and says its only cos i have no friends that i dont go out and its my choice but i would love a night off to relax.
Ive told him to leave many times but he just laughs and says ‘make me’. I literally remember every insult from the last (Detail removed by moderator) years and find it difficult to even like him. Im so much more relaxed and happy when hes out for the night. Im drained but on goes the ‘happy face’. -
Hi Cat lover. Your partner knows where to hit you where it hurts. Ignore any comments about your shape or size. We all have one and we’re all human. When I met my husband I was finally recovering from an eating disorder and a depressive breakdown.
If you’re not already doing it, keep a diary of everything he says and make contact with Womens Aid.
It can be really lonely being a mum.
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What’s shocking is that he’s teaching your child that insulting you is normal. You’re exposing your child to abuse too. It didn’t occur to me until much later that my son picked up this behaviour from his father. His behaviour is designed to prevent you from going out and having a life of your own. My ex used to give me a really hard time before I went out, most often I would cancel my nights out to avoid his abusive behaviour. Isolating myself which is exactly what he wanted. Eventually I just stopped going out. Please contact your local women’s aid. Coercive control is now illegal. He chooses to behave this way. My mental health was destroyed by my ex. Ring the helpline number on here for support. Abuse always gets worse. My ex used to say I had saggy t*ts and cellulite because he knew that really bothered me. The thing is I confided this to him when I tonight he was my soul mate. Little did I know he was storing up my weaknesses to use against me.
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Thank you for your replies xx
Its nice to know people are there xx
This morning he started for no reason. Started having a moan about the dog hair and then that the dog needs to go. Moved on to the house being a mess and what do I do on my day off. House is a s**t hole etc etc. Then saw me eat a crisp and started on the ‘scoffing your face again you fat pig’ ‘you’re always eating”youre getting obese’etc etc. Escalated into an argument. I retaliated for once and said that hes not exactly slim himself. Now hes gone out. Im a size 8. My self esteem is rock bottom. Im eating less. Hes Jekyl and Hyde. I hate him. He uses our son as a pawn. How can I get him to leave? -
Hi Cat lover,
It sounds like he is wearing you down. I was losing weight like you getting near to the underweight side of the chart because of the anxiety he caused me. Like yours he started to comment on portion sizes, making ‘jokes’ about the food I enjoyed and making subtle put downs about my body. I felt old, fat and ugly when my appearance was just the same as when we met – it’s all just abuse designed to make you feel ugly and worthless.
It’s important to recognise the harm it does to your self esteem. A year on I’m still recovering but thankful every day I don’t have to listen to his put downs, lies and abuse . Have you got an exit plan in place?
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Hi hun sorry your partner is treating you this way. It’s like reading my own story. All the same. Calling me fat old ugly dried up got no friends and no one likes me. I have been out for a while and will have to work to recover my self esteem from his brainwashing.
Only now I look back and realize he was the weak ugly one. He had to run me down to keep me stuck with him because I realize now he needed me as he was the weak one.
You get weaker the longer you stay. Please get help and support. Call womens aid. You are a size 8 for God’s sake. Of course everything thus little bully says is rubbish. Xxxxx
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Hi Cat lover.
The namecalling is about breaking down your self esteem and self worth. I was called a beached whale while I was pregnant with my beautiful baby girl by the first one. And told the best place for me was six feet under, every day. When I left the second one I was wearing a size 12 to 16 because he had me convinced I was fat and uglyI was actually a size 6. It was that same beautiful baby girl all grown up that convinced me I was as tiny as her and to buy a very sexy new dress in a store that I didn’t think would fit me.
Most will not leave, they feel entitlement to everything. The second one I was with even put everything is mine, mine, mine in communications between us. Refering to my inheritence, my income, the house I put a huge some of money down on, my life long family possessions and heirlooms etc. As long as they feel that you are useful for something and that they are reaping a benefit they will stay latched like a leech.
Yes, it is nice to know there are people there, one’s that “get it.” Hugs.
Chickadee
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My husband does this too! He spent so long telling me I’m fat and that I have a big arse (I was size 10 at the time) with all the stress at the moment I’ve actually lost weight in the last couple of months and am a size 8 now so now he’s started saying where have your t**s gone they’re tiny now.
However we look they always find a way to drag us down because it’s not really about how we look it’s about making us feel like we are worthless.
Remember that you’re not worthless. You’re worth so much more than he is giving you.
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Hi Confused and Alone.
Mine did the same to me. It’s all control and putting your self esteem down. And if they can’t succeed one way they do the other. Loopholes. The Abuser Win/Win.
I gained weight from the stress disorder many of us get from abusers. He is well aware he caused. He texted me and said in open court, laughing, are you pregnant?
There are moments where I’ve had enough of all this s**t……I looked at him and replied right back in the courtroom as I was leaving, well your two to three times bigger, you having twins or triplets? He has always been a bit overweight since we met. (He didn’t say another word).
Stand up for myself………
Hugs!
Chickadee
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Mine called me “obese” “fat old s**g” “only a freak would want to f*** me” etc
I do have a weight problem but all through our relationship he kept buying me “treats”and choosing all my food. I knew I was gaining but he swore I was the same as when he met me. Towards the end, he stated yelling that I’d gained at lest 4 stone, I was disgusting etc etc…I’d asked him not to buy any more biscuits and he lost it, yelling that I was blaming him for my “obesity” Then follow all these insults up with “but I don’t care, more of you to love, I love you top to toe and everything in between”
I checked recently, I’d gained less than a stone in the years we were together. 4 stone my arse.
In a rare moment of rebellion, before we separated for good, he was yelling at me how fat and disgusting I was. I looked him in the eye, stripped all my clothes off and told him “THATS how much I care about your opinion of my body. Take a look at my fat arse! Look at my belly!” I shook and wobbled at him. He was speechless, then just walked away. -
Yeah Poodlepower. 🤗
That is the kinda stuff I reference when I’ve stated on here, “standing up to your abuser”. So thrilled for you. That is taking back your life from the bullying and control of an abuser.
He is speechless because you took away his control and are not afraid. He does not know what to do.
Your going to be okay. I responded to your original post. Hugs.
Chickadee
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