Name calling during arguments

[wonderingmom]

I’m struggling with my feelings about how me and my husband argue. After our eldest child was born he became verbally explosive at me sometimes using swear words to express his anger and frustration. It has got to the point where I can’t have any issues or raise and problems as any kind of argument or conflict ends up with him name calling in some way. Every argument he uses something different. We had a disagreement over losing something in the house and he walked off shouting “psycho”. The last argument he got angry and said “you’re a liar” and then started saying “you’re an a******e”. I don’t name call. I’ve expressed that I don’t like it many times and said I think it’s verbal abuse. I don’t know if this is abuse or what to do about it and really need some advice please

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, yew he is verbally abusing you…

‘It has got to the point where I can’t have any issues or raise and problems as any kind of argument or conflict ends up with him name calling in some way’

You feel you cannot express yourself safely without an onslaught of verbal abuse, the worry side of.this is you changing your behaviour to try to stop his verbal abuse… we should never have to change who we are in the hope of making our partners behave better towards us… if you are changing your behaviours to pacify your partners moods then please get hold of Women’s Aid… your partner is responsible for his behaviour, you do not cause him to behave that way. Is he verbally abusive to you infront of other people, is he abusive to his family? I am betting the answer is no and he saves it for you behind closed doors?
Keep posting ❤️

[Lisa]

Hi wonderingmom,

Welcome to the forum, I’m glad that you’ve found this space to reach out for support.

As Hereforhelp has already said, this is verbal abuse, it’s not okay, and the impact that it’s having on you is important. If you feel like you are in need of some additional support or want to explore what’s happening in more depth, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (8am – 6pm weekdays and 10am – 6pm weekends/bank holidays). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Mermaidtail]

You’ve just explained my ex to a T!!

I always felt (still feel) like I’m not allowed to be angry or upset with him. I’m not allowed to raise a concern or call him out on anything because it turns into an explosive argument, that he turns completely on me, he always tells me I’m the same as him, that I have mood swings, call him names etc.

[Author]

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