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    • #19659

      Can someone please tell me more in terms of what it is, and how your relationship is /was affected by it. Many thanks

      I am beginning to wonder if this is what my husband suffers from.

    • #19661
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      I spent my time with the ex worrying about what he is ‘suffering’ from in order to be this way.

      Its a bit of a red-herring, as people suffer from all sorts and are not ‘abusive’ thats not something someone suffers from, its the way they treat people.

      Not sure exactly what it is or how it affects someone but it doesn’t equate to abuse, as thats different.

      I hope that helps? Take care of you and less worrying about him perhaps?

      warmest wishes KS xx

    • #19662

      Hi Bridget, there is much available on the internet, in books and via You Tube on narcissism. I have just brought a book called Dangerous Personalities by Joe Navarro. It has a 130 very detailed questionaire to determine if somebody has narcisstic traits and the questions are really detailed and specific. I did the test and my ex comes out in the high range……………I recommend this book. Otherwise there are loads of books immediately available and free to read by HG Tudor written by the n********t so you really get to understand their mindset. A good one to start off with is called Fuel. XXXXXXXXX

    • #19668
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      i’d recommend ‘the dominator’ which clearly sets out the abusive behaviours that you are subjected to.

    • #19670

      I was walking to the shop today and a car pulled up right in front of me, it really startled me and was too close. The driver and passenger got out laughing and gave me not even a backwards glance. They parked illegally on the pavement and almost hit me with the car. Basically they were arrogant, rude and disrespectful. It made me think that this is what my ex was like. He really didn’t have the same views about respecting people that I do. My neighbour asked if I could cut my hedge as it is making it awkward her walking past. I cut it at the first available opportunity. I like my neighbour and want to keep a good relationship. I remembered that my ex used to wind up his neighbours by parking across their driveways, they could not get out if they wanted to because of this. If they wanted to get out he would expect them to call him on his mobile, he left his number on the windscreen & he would come out to move it,i expect when he was ready. He would play music very loudly, i would cringe as his neighbours would be disturbed. All of these things made me think that he & I have a different mindset about treating people with decency and respect. That is why I do not think he has replied to my kind email that I sent to him a week ago wishing him well. I dont think that he is capable of having a normal, respectful interaction, its not his way, nor his family’s way. They all rip off people, lie and cheat & this is what comes naturally to them. I expect they just do not get things like kindness, respect, honesty.

    • #19705
      tobehappy
      Participant

      My understanding is that narcissists believe they are above others. They are entitled to everything they want. Their family and friends only remain so because they fulfil their needs. They are extensions of their own person. They must have the same opinion as the n********t. If they do not they will discarded as they have wronged the whole belief system of the n********t.

      They do not feel love/empathy in the same way as “normal” people. They have learned how to “show” these emotions. They are not capable of the true emotion as all they are interested in is getting what they want and doing things their way. They will do anything to have it their way as they are above everyone else and are entitled to have what they want. They do not feel remorse for their actions as they were entitled to do it.

      This is a very dangerous personality type. I think it is learned behaviour from when they were a child. One factor I believe is that if they were praised for everything unconditionally they believe that they are always right. They have learned that they can lie and deceive and bully to get what they want and since no-one stops them they carry on. Why would you change if you always get what you want? Thee only reason would be that you were hurting other people but since narcissists do not understand this or do not care there is no reason for them to change.

      They will never admit they are narcissistic as it will always be someone else who made them do it. The fault will never be theirs. Why would they be wrong they are always right?

      I think they are seeking to fill a void. Perhaps something they did not have when they were younger? Maybe a caring mother figure? They are trying to mould everything around them so they can control this and fill this void. This of course is impossible but they will never stop trying. Once you no longer fill their need then you are discarded as you are simply no use anymore.

      If someone is truly narcissistic avoid at all costs as it will be you that gets hurts. They will just carry on regardless.

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