Need a shoulder

[Munchkin04]

So it’s all started again. A lazy (detail removed by Moderator) morning and he didn’t get what he wanted and I tried to talk to him about it. He wasn’t interested just looked so uninterested in how I felt. Then the silent one word answers treatment. For speaking up? He said to avoid a row. What? There was no row. I was letting him know how I felt. So I told him I wouldn’t be spending the day with him if he was going to be silent and indifferent. Well that set him off. I retaliated. You know the rest. It’s been days now. I’ve had the nastiness, the not allowing me to sleep. Blaming me for not allowing him to talk about it later in the day. I got nothing from him on the morning and was angry so why should I give him my time when it suits. I know I shouldn’t be like that but I get so so fed up of the treatment. Now I’m blocked he’s told me I’m controlling he’s unwell and that I’ve caused his upset for years. He’s never heard and I invalidate him. All of that is how he is to me. He has said he won’t be here xmas eve or Xmas day he’s going to (detail removed by Moderator). My Christmas is ruined all over me having a voice and putting my foot down. I’ll be on my own with the dog. He has said he no longer feels anything for me and the house will be sold (detail removed by Moderator). Honestly it’s not the loss of the relationship it’s the frustration and hurt I feel with all the unfairness of it. Years and years of rules and his way and not heard, no understanding shown.The abuse physical and mental. I’m sad today so sad and angry and could scream

[minimeerkat]

all i could think after reading your post was thank god i am out
because of the similarities, not just my own relationship but the many other women on this forum & beyond. its infuriating, so incredibly unfair & the frustration is enough to make you go crazy
no wonder our mental health is so affected
it seems to be the same thing with everyone – you are to blame, you are the reason he is unwell or abusive
when i dealt with my ex through solicitors you can imagine the stuff being thrown my way – i seriously felt like exploding. but thats what they want, they want you to react, to retaliate. because then its perfectly obvious to everyone that you are the abusive one/crazy/controlling
yes, the truth is that we are accused of the exact things they do to us
have you contacted your local da service, even if its just to talk about this – they will just listen if thats all you want
and stay strong. dont give him the satisfaction of seeing just how much his behaviour is affecting you x

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. I just get so frustrated inside it’s a constant knot of not being able to make myself understood to him. Everything is twisted and denied. He denies saying things swears blind he didn’t. Do I make it up? No. He’s wanted to talk (detail removed by Moderator) and I’ve quietly asked him to respect the fact that I can’t at the moment. I’m too angry. Now he’s erupted saying I have rules I’m not well and delusional. He brings up my past so so often and tars me with it over and over. How can I live in the present when he constantly lives in the past and reminds me of my mistakes. He said it helps him understand what I was like in previous relationships. I see it as wanting to use it against me. Am I wrong? What’s done is done. He has a past I don’t bring up after he’s lied to me about things. I don’t mention it. I always feel like he’s trying to catch me out. I get so muddled talking to him he goes on and on and on then I can’t remember what he’s said or what I wanted to say. God it’s all such a head mess

[Fallenofftheradar]

I know you feel awful and you want him to hear and understand you. But you can never win with people like him and it doesn’t matter now. He has ended the relationship and by doing that he has set you free. He has done you a massive favour. Please try and sell help to work through your trauma so you never end up in a relationship like that again. Hugs

[minimeerkat]

bless your heart, i remember those conversations when whatever i was trying to say got completely lost, because as you are experiencing yourself, they go on & on & on – you just end up so dizzy & confused, forgetting what is was you were originally trying to discuss. the whole conversation is then a blur – you dont know what either of you ended up saying. all it does is exhaust you
i also recall the going on & on & on until i just had to give in & agree with him completely or i would never have got any sleep
the saddest thing is that yes everything is always on their terms. its their way or the highway. their rules
it is horrible when they make you doubt yourself & your sanity, denying they have either said or done something
and yes they definitely use your past against you – you end up deeply regretting ever confiding in them about anything because it will just end up being used against you at some point
try if you can, if theres somewhere safe for you to write things down. it will help give you a little bit of confidence in yourself to see the truth, the actual reality of what you are experiencing
all you need is to develop some self belief which will help you to see what is really happening & be able to stop yourself being so affected by it x

[Munchkin04]

Please give me some advice. He’s said we must get along before the house is sold. He’s acting so calm and I’m a ticking time bomb inside filled with so much frustration and hurt. I tried to ask him about why he did what he did why he couldn’t have shown an interest in my feelings and he tells me I’m angry and he can’t talk to me when I’m angry and that I’ve pushed him all week that’s why he’s exploded at me. It’s all so untrue and unfair and now he’s told me he has no feelings for me he doesn’t like me and he’s switched off from me and he won’t be losing his temper because of my provocation. I just want answers. How do I deal with him being oh so smarmy and clever now he’s abused me all week and has switched off. I am now spending Xmas day on my own. I’m so so low and sad and want to disappear. Why ;(£@&:/ why.

[minimeerkat]

have sent a reply via message as otherwise it would end up moderated

[Anonymous]

They have no understanding of others feeling other than there own .they come up with excuses for anything.u can ask why but they only end up blaming anyone other than them. They no how to make others other than them feel guilty.irs up to us wether we accept ther reasoning or we disagree and do what’s best for our own mental health

[Author]

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