- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by gladtobefree.
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30th July 2019 at 6:47 pm #84653gladtobefreeParticipant
This is hard to explain without detail but my ex and I separated when our baby was weeks old. Contact was encouraged by me as I was scared it would look like I alienated him,until I got advice needed and stopped contact as he was abusive verbally in front of my other children and would use contact to be manipulative. He text recently to ask for contact and I told him to go through court which he had threatened me with all this time yet I heard nothing from court. He is playing games. Today he has asked for access as it’s her Birthday coming up. He only asks on occasions. I was advised last time to tell him to not contact me directly and I’ve done that but still he has asked again. I don’t know what to do. He is a complete stranger and it won’t benefit her at all so is completely selfish reasons on his part. Do I ignore him????
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31st July 2019 at 10:34 am #84686LisaMain Moderator
Hi there,
I’m sorry to hear about what is happening. A lot of abusive men use child contact to continue their power and control. It sounds like you have made your boundaries clear with him. You have informed him about court so if he wants to see his daughter he needs to go down legal route. You are her mum and you know what is best for her. You do not need to respond to him, you have been very clear with him.
Best Wishes,
Lisa
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31st July 2019 at 10:39 am #84688diymum@1Participant
the ball is in his court if he wants to see her he has to go to court and if he does go for supervised contact or less given he is abusive especially infront off the kids xx indirect contact is an option like cards letters xx reduced to nil is always the best option in this case xxxx
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31st July 2019 at 11:06 am #84689gladtobefreeParticipant
Thank you both for your replies. Every time he contacts me I get so anxious and it throws me off but I allow myself to calm down and then I replied making it clear again that court is the option to move forward due to his behaviour towards the children and myself. It is possible that he just does this so he can tell people he has tried and I won’t allow him access. I don’t care what his friends or family think of me so he can say whatcha likes. All I care about is the wellbeing of my children xx
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31st July 2019 at 11:24 am #84690diymum@1Participant
its a game to make you look unreasonable your not your being clear – children witnessing him behaving like this is abusive xx not acceptable keep going as you are and when your not sure do nothing and get advice xx
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31st July 2019 at 1:26 pm #84699gladtobefreeParticipant
Thank you diymum
He has had plenty of time to put something in place so I don’t understand why he thinks he can just weakly pretend he is interesting in being a Dad and that I will change my mind. The situation hasn’t changed so his thinking has no logic at all xx
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