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    • #110849
      Fairylady
      Participant

      hi all, ive had a rough few weeks to be honest, high one second and rock bottom the next.

      a few days ago it blew up because i didnt have “in a relationship” open to people who werent my friends – i dont have anything open to people who arent as its my privacy…. he says that im hiding the relationship from the world and its “sly” and im only doing it because then other men wont see. this has gone on for a few weeks and ive refused – eventually, last week i deleted all social media, to stop all arguments and accusations…. this was not met very well – he went mental, said i had to have it back as i was hiding and that i was sly – this was met with him calling me every name under the sun – s**g, w***e, c**nt, and him saying he didnt want to be with someone like me, said i had no respect for him and that i should do as im told – all of this was him getting in my face and poking at me. he when ok with me and had been loving…
      then he kicked off because he found some (detail removed by moderator) underwear out that i decided not to wear because i had my period – id originally had plans to meet my friend for tea but neither of us felt up to it so cancelled – he accused me of only wanting to wear (detail removed by moderator) underwear out to meet someone else and said he didnt believe me that i was meeting a friend from work – he made me pack my things and was screaming i had to leave, i packed and then he didnt like that i was doing it, he started throwing my stuff out of the front door in bags, all electronics that i have loaned from work as im working from home – i tried to stop him by pushing him back from the door and my belongings so he slammed me into the door – i now have bruises up both arms and he says it was my fault and i was the abusive one for trying to push him, he brought all my stuff back in and has been fine (detail removed by moderator) …. i have tried to just stay quiet but he will blow up if i dont put social media back up and do as im told… he says that i have no respect and i need to show i love him with my actions… i dont know what to do, all my stuff is still packed, but i cant find myself to actually leave, is it me thats actually causing all this? i asked him (detail removed by moderator) i worry that it is actually me thats causing all this!!! i need help, im so tired and sad and hate all of this

       

       

    • #110854
      Fairylady
      Participant

      he also said i need to (detail removed by moderator) i felt like i was being scorned by my dad, im sore everywhere at the moment, he did also threaten to smack me in the face when i tried stopping him from throwing my stuff – he said (detail removed by moderator) i wouldnt have cared if it wasnt my work computers, i really dont know what to do with this. is it me? i dont feel like i want to be here anymore.

    • #110855
      Scapegoat
      Participant

      Hi Fairylady, this sounds so similar among other things to my situation. I’m constantly moaned at for social media, I only message friends on WhatsApp and have a fbook account which I never go on. I’m constantly accused of messaging other blokes (which I 100% don’t do as don’t have any male friends). I regularly get called a s***, s***, w**** etc and he is always threatening to go and punch my boss’ lights out as I’m accused of sleeping with him, plus a bloke up the road I don’t even know, people at the gym ( haven’t been for 12 months, and too many more to mention.
      He also is the underwear police, making up that I take spare pants to work ( which I can assure you I don’t do) so I have to make sure I’m wearing the crappiest underwear I’ve got at work but still this isn’t enough and I’m accused of not having that pair on this morning to the point where I have felt like taking a pic of my pants each day!
      I have come to the conclusion all of this is just an excuse to have a go at me and justify his own controlling, stalking, abusive and derogatory behaviours. I take pictures if I go shopping or to appointments to prove where I’ve been as get that anxious and will get it thrown in my face days/weeks/months/years later. I started doing voice recordings as he would say I’d said things and say I was going mad if I denied them. He says I must have a guilty conscience to do these things.
      He has now decided I have got to get out – just like that, but he will put the house on the market when he can be bothered…yeah right. Don’t want to involve the police as way too dramatic for me and would be too scared to give a statement and I know he would manipulate his way out of it.
      Keep your chin up lovely lady, I feel your pain. Stay strong
      💕

    • #110858
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      This is very controlling behaviour. You should be able to decide what you want to wear and choices regarding social media. This is not okay! It usually starts off like this, then before you know it he’ll have complete control over every aspect of your life, including financial affairs. You need to leave. You’re worth much more than this and deserve to not be treated like this. Sending you hugs xx

    • #110876
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Fairylady

      I just wanted to show you some support. I can see that you have already had really supportive replies.

      No this isn’t you, you haven’t done anything wrong. You partner is extremely controlling and I am worried for your safety. Please try and speak to your gp as you feeling low and need to get those injuries checked over.

      You could have a chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service and discuss your options (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

      I would also be useful to get some support from your local service which you can find here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

      Please keep posting, we are all here for you.

      Lisa

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