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    • #73627
      Ubichu
      Participant

      Hi Im wondering if anyone has been in my situation and so may be able to advise me.

      My ex has some belongings still here at my house.
      His previous tactic has been to bully me and come for things in dribs and drabs to intimidate me. I arranged with the police to attend (detail removed by moderator). They told me to message him with the time and date. He replied that he would come for his stuff as and when he is ready.

      He didn’t actually live here properly and this is my own house. He has no rights to the property itself.
      He really is not bothered by any rules the police (or anyone) sets.

      I have the feeling that he will not turn up for his belongings at the given time just because it makes him feel powerful to be awkward.

      What I need to know is what to do with his stuff if he doesn’t come for it.
      Can I dispose of it?
      He will play the long game I’m sure.
      I’m also worried that the police will be reluctant to help me again if he is a no show.
      I can’t move on until I have no more connections to him.

      Thanks in advance.

    • #73629
      diymum@1
      Participant

      This is actually your chance to show him that youll start as you mean to go on.To set boundaries. i wouldnt contact him again, if he doesnt show up (the police will think he is wasting their time not you) id explain to then that you feel now he is using this to intimidate you (which is illegal) and your feeling scared. Im sure then the police will advise you to drop his things off in an appropriate place. Id go no contact from here if he keeps sending you messages ask him to stop or you will go down the harassment road with him. the problem is these men think theyre above the law they are the only ones that think that fortunately. THe police have to take intimidation seriously – if they dont respond accordingly you could go above them ie their supervisor -but i dont think you will have to. luv diy mum

    • #73631
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      You’ve given him a time and day to his collect his belongings, the police are aware and involved,probably this isn’t the first time you’ve asked him to collect. so have his stuff bagged and waiting, if he doesn’t show that’s his problem, tell the police you aren’t responsible for his things, and leave them out on the street. He’s had ample warnings to collect it. My daughter did the same with an ex. His brother soon came along and picked his things up. Even if your ex has no-one to do this, tough. The police won’t be reluctant to help in the future because they see the games these men play, day in day out. It’s such a waste of resources babying these men but if they didn’t and things took a turn for the worse. Just remember the police are there to protect the members of the public, you are a member of the public and are being intimidated by your ex.
      Good luck for the pick-up and try not to worry about it. His stuff isn’t your responsibility, use that as your mantra til d-day.
      Good luck
      IWMB 💕💕

      • #73636
        Ubichu
        Participant

        Thank you.
        You are right. That mantra is keeping me going.
        xx

      • #73639
        Ubichu
        Participant

        Thank You.
        It sounds like I have already done exactly as you suggest.
        I gave him the date and time then blocked him.
        I’ve posted here because I just KNOW he will be awkward. My plan is to pile the stuff up neatly on my drive. The police will see this when they arrive. I will not allow him into my house or garage and intend to stay right out of the way. This will avoid him being able to give me “the stare’ or getting into any type of conversation. If he doesn’t show then at least the police will see that it was all there waiting for him.

    • #73641
      diymum@1
      Participant

      try to keep going now you might be on edge as anyone would expect – stay busy do what you have to do to go no contact with him xx this will get easier from here. take time for yourself and lots of self love xx b****y nightmare these men but we get there 🙂 xx luv diymum x

    • #73642
      KIP.
      Participant

      This is a very common tactic. Mine left stuff for years and sent people round dozens of times. I wish I’d just bagged it all up and dumped it at a friends. If you know someone who he knows then perhaps they would be willing to take it? It’s good you’re taking back control. He’s lucky you’ve given him the option to collect it and not just dumped it. You have no obligation to store his belongings however he will use this as a means to continue contact so one way or another get rid. Maybe the police will take it to the station and he can collect it there?

    • #73650
      FruitLoops
      Participant

      Not to add to this, but I want to say good luck!! If I make the break I’m dreading it, as there’s all my stuff and my kids- we will have to see him presumably whilst moving it all and it will take more than a day! There’s so much!

      Just keep remembering that he is in the wrong not you, don’t let him intimidate you even with ridiculous stares and hope the police will help you out.

      Lots of positive thoughts and sending strong vibes your way!

      • #73661
        Ubichu
        Participant

        Thank you. x
        I usually start up the OCD cleaning but I’ve had a disc removed from my back and can’t do anything (which is why he was so shocked at his departure).

        Its funny how talking to strangers can make you feel stronger.
        Thanks again

    • #73662
      diymum@1
      Participant

      We’re strangers and we’re not ☺were real people with alot in common and we understand and empathise above all. I for one have lots of folk around me but feel kin of alone in this -in my own head space I over think -so airing and having this as a sounding board really helps xx I hope you are ok xx 💕💕diy mum

    • #73667
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi Ubichu, you sound as if you’ve got this, just having a wee wobble as the time gets closer. As others have said keep as busy as possible. Get some rock music on, blaring, blow away the cobwebs.
      We’re always here to talk to, to vent to, strangers we maybe, but we know the dynamics, it’s why we get each other.
      We are here to b..w this whole abuse s..t out the window, we are here to educate those who will not see, we are here to hold each other up when everything seems impossible.
      It’s international women’s day on Friday, a day where we lead by example. My government is holding a meeting on Saturday, listening to women from all walks of life, giving us the chance to get things put through parliament, from working hours, through to domestic abuse and violence and everything else inbetween. It’s exciting times, the prospect of a future free of abuse not just us and our children but fir society as a whole the world over. I’m feeling optimistic today, I hope I’ll feel like this for a while but we all know that living with an abuser is never the same two days running.
      Again good luck, take it one step at a time.
      IWMB 💕💕

    • #73947
      Ubichu
      Participant

      Thank you guys!
      It was very very stressful but mostly successful.
      I’m just recovering now.

      x

    • #73948
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Thank you for the update. Glad to hear you’re on the other side. Xx

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