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    • #127981
      Jellybaby
      Participant

      I’m feeling really confused and emotionally broken. I just want all the hurt to end. I’m questioning myself. My husband is giving me the cold shoulder he is upset with me because I said it was his fault (detail removed by moderator). Now I am dealing with consequences. I decided after a few attempts to talk with him that I will do the same and back off. I kept myself busy but I noticed now he has stopped wearing his wedding ring and now I feel so emotional and weak. I know if I don’t talk to him he will carry it on and do things to get to me like the wedding ring.

      I think maybe I shouldn’t have said anything about him making up late. I told my sis in law I can’t do this anymore (detail removed by moderator). He will never come to me he will never say sorry and everything that goes wrong is always my fault. I told her this is emotional abuse.

      She told me (detail removed by moderator) But he knows he is hurting me right now. I could understand if I did something really bad. She said (detail removed by moderator)

      Things are ok if I don’t say nothing and just get on with things. But I’ve lost myself and so depressed and feel like I have no voice. I’m confused about what my sis in law is saying as my friends say the opposite. (Detail removed by moderator). But I love my kids more than my life and feel so guilty for feeling like this. I feel paralysed when he is behaving like this. I don’t know what to do with myself.

    • #127988
      KIP.
      Participant

      Your sis in law is wrong and enabling abuse. What he’s doing is nasty and manipulating and it’s making you ill mentally. It’s coercive control. Contact your local women’s aid. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It’s using your insecurities which he has created to punish you for speaking your mind. That’s not a loving nurturing partner. It’s a controlling individual. Try writing a secret journal of his behaviour and how it makes you feel. This push and pull is very typical abuser behaviour. The threats to leave make you desperate and leaves you spinning and trying to cope with the situation and what you can do to change or prevent it. You should be shining that spotlight right back at his behaviour. Abusers make us so dependent on them, it’s brainwashing. Are things really okay if you say nothing? I tried this approach but it simply made him angry that I said nothing. Abusers abuse. And they change the goal posts and abuse. And they choose to abuse. And they abuse because they enjoy it. He won’t change but you can. Start talking to people who have experienced abuse and who know how abuse works. Educate yourself. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline x you don’t have to live this way. Your kids deserve and proud happy healthy mum x

    • #127992
      Jellybaby
      Participant

      Thank you x

    • #128007
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      Yes, I have experienced terrible advice from a sister in law and a counsellor. Both ended up in me thinking it was all my fault and going back and then not wanting to talk to anyone ever again. You have to be really careful who you speak to. Most people are really not aware of emotional abuse.
      I have started to speak to family and a friend, only people I can really trust, I am doing it only to get the support to enable me to leave him for good. Which i have read, support is very important.
      But I do not go into the nitty gritty detail. Only here, WA and my local Shelter I really open up.
      I am on here all the time reading posts and replies, it will really help, the women on here are so knowledgeable and helpful. Also there are tons of books and youtube vids you can watch to help you understand whats going on..x*x

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