Need help/advice.

[I.dont.know.]

I’m new as after (Detail removed by moderator) years I’ve finally realised that my relationship is an emotionally abusive one.
And now I don’t know what to do…
I live in the house which is mortgaged in both our names we have 2 young children. And I’m a self employed (Detail removed by moderator) working from our home.
I want out I don’t know how I’m going to do it because (Detail removed by moderator) is my only source of income and if I leave the house to try and rent then I loose my income to pay the rent!! I am so trapped I just don’t know what to do!

[BakingQueen]

Hello,

First off I want to say welcome and well done for noticing the signs. It took me almost as long as you to realise the type of relationship I was in. So you arent alone with that length of time. I too have a child with my ex.

Why dont you give the helpline a call, they have seen all kinds of situations and will be able to advise on how you can best get out. You can give them a set time best to call when you partner isnt around so you can safely have a chat. They can help you plan your exit or just talk you through potential options.

I know splitting finances and children can be difficult with someone who is dead set on control and doesn’t care about anyone except themselves. But it WILL get easier.

I know it will seem scary to leave and I understand that you want to have things set, in all honesty, the best thing you can do is leave, the money situation and everything else will follow and will get better. Yes, it is easier to stay, to not rock the boat, but this isn’t the life you want for you or your children and it isn’t healthy for you to stay.

I have every faith in you that you will find the strength to leave, you feel trapped now, but once you do leave you will feel so liberated. I was like you and felt trapped and now I would never look back.

I dont know if that was any help at all, but I feel your pain, I have been there and I can tell you it’s the best choice I made to leave and although it hasn’t been a walk in the park, I have no idea how bad my life would be if I stayed.

Stay safe. Be careful and I hope you find your way out soon. Things will work out, it might seem so far away but it is closer than you think x

[I.dont.know.]

Thank you so much for your reply I so pleased you got out of the situation and I’m not alone in realising after so long!!
I’ve tried to call the helpline a couple of times but I’ve not been strong enough to actually leave a voicemail for them to call back so I will do this today!
I can’t continue living as I am.
Thanks again xx

[Confused-and-alone]

Just echoing what BakingQueen said you are definitely not alone in taking a long time to recognise what’s happening in your relationship. I’ve been with my husband over (Detail removed by moderator) now and with hindsight I’ve known something was “off” with us for a long time but I have only recently come to see it as abusive – after talking to the supportive ladies on here and speaking to a very close friend. Emotional abuse happens so slowly that you don’t realise anything is wrong until your suddenly in the middle of it and have been for some time. Glad you have found this safe space to get some help x

[BakingQueen]

Idontknow,

In time you feel find strength to leave that message.

It is strange because you know they have done you wrong but you somehow feel guilty for telling on them. And that is due to all the mind games they play. Making you think everything is your fault. That they are never to blame when really they are ONLY to blame. Your only crime is giving someone who wasn’t worthy a chance and I for one can not begrudge you for that. It is so subtle like confused-and-alone said.

In time you will be ready and when you make that phone call and start that plan and finally get out. You wont regret it. It wont be easy. They will throw everything and the kitchen sink at getting you to stay. I was lectured for well over 3 hrs after I told him I wanted out and in the end I went from “I am leaving” to “I just need some space” but I knew I was never going back and when he realized WOW. The mask fell off in front of my family (and the waterworks too)

Hang in there. It will get worse before it gets better but we are all here to support you and help you through it. Keep sharing. I would love to follow your journey xx

[I.dont.know.]

Thank you all for your support, we go on holiday in 2 weeks I’m trying to muster up all my strength to tell him while we’re away that I want out, which I know he’s not going to make easy in the slightest because why would he want to loose his cook and cleaner! But I’m going to give him the chance to be civil only for the sake of my kids!
I think if I don’t do it soon then I’m never going to do it!
Xx

[BakingQueen]

To be honest with you, he wont be civil. These men don’t work that way. In his head you leaving him is a giant slap in the face and so why should he be civil when you broke the family up. That is how he will see it.

You don’t need to give him any chances. Like I said, it wont be easy. Forewarned is forearmed right? Be prepared for him to really get in your head but ALWAYS remember why you are making this choice. They are so clever at turning things around and their messed up logic is something no-one can contend with. It’s impossible to reason with them.

I’ve seen a lot of woman say that when you leave and stand up to these people this is the most dangerous time, so please be careful. As they realize they are losing control they can turn nasty. Stay safe x

[I.dont.know.]

I think your probably right and deep down I know your right!
I stayed out on (Detail removed by moderator) night ( first time in probably (Detail removed by moderator)years) the second I pulled up home outside our house (Detail removed by moderator) after arriving home it took about 30secs for him to have a go at me for not parking in the place he instructed me to park!! I hate the fact I’ve got to be a different person I want to be the true me like I am when I’m not around him.

😭😭😭😭

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