Need me back

[Anonymous]

Hello I’m new here would love to talk to others who were in long term psychological controlling live in relationships I’m struggling badly feel very weak & emotionally rock bottom. How do we lose ourself & not realise until it’s too late Need my life back need help advice to survive I used to be so strong before I met him

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

I recommend counsellign to all who have experienced any form of abuse, post on here and reach out to other survivors as u are doing. The abuse does totally throw us of guard and can give us a massive shake up , recovery is slow and all about loving yourself and retraining your brain not to beleive the rubbish they throw at us and rebuild our confidence and find ourselves again. There are days where i have to switchoff and jsut sleep and think of nonthing, allpart of recovery. You are still strong , its just putting all the pieces toghether again

[Anonymous]

Thank you for replying I do have massive trust issues now & feel like I’ll never trust again I know this won’t go away over night it feels like 4 steps forward 3 steps back x

[danicali]

first of all, it’s never too late as long as you have a pulse… so, you will eventually get better and the key to that is getting away from and having NO contact whatsoever with the abuser, or if you have kids together, MINIMAL contact as possible given ANY contact can re-traumatise you and keep you from healing

somewhere inside you is still that strong person, though it may seem as though it’s gone. it’s not. it’s just been stomped down repeatedly by your ex

i have had some unbelievably malicious and cruel things said to me by my ex, all said purely to try to grind me down… i’ve also had some very malicious things done to me by him, over many years, and while i never forget or forgive, you do move on with things

you will get your old self back. no, you will never be entirely carefree again, not after long term abuse as there will always be triggers and memories that never go away and you tend to be on guard and have trust issues, but you will get better and you can still have a reasonably happy and peaceful life

remember, there are still good people in the world x

[Anonymous]

I typed a message then think I lost it? I desperately need counselling but can’t afford it so that’s a no go
I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning & be OK everyone I know thinks it’s just an excuse when I say My anxieties are so high I physically can’t do a lot I desperately want to forget he ever existed I feel an Idiot because My mind replays a million times Thought that once away I’d be OK But that’s the case this is so awful

[Anonymous]

Thank You for replying I didn’t realise how badly he’d affected me until after I’d left I know this won’t happen overnight & just hope each day it gets easier x

[iwillbeok]

Hi Blueberry, I have also been in a long term controlling abusive relationship. I am working on reclaiming me. I am awaiting counselling but in the meantime I am using all available ‘resources’ – writing on here (others on here have been just brilliant!)both to vent and to support others; talking with family and friends; reading and informing myself as much as possible to really hit home that this was not of my making; no contact with my abuser; helping my children through this difficult time (they feel they can’t talk to him as he isn’t coping!) an additional proof that I am strong and will get through this.

I would definitely recommend going to a WA drop in if you can – mine was an angel!

Hang in there; we are strong because we’ve survived this far! While I have my dark days I can also feel the freedom that has come from getting out. I have hope for the future.

Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Thank You for replying I truly appreciate it what is a Way drop in centre? x

[Anonymous]

Hi lwillbeok I am trying so hard to reclaim me, I have tried so hard to set boundaries with everyone, He broke every boundary I had & I always feel different now with everyone it’s like I’m scared to be me, that whatever I say to anyone is wrong & everything I do is wrong too. I’m always feeling everyone blames me. I tried talk to friends & family but no one understands plus they all believe him think I’m the one whose crazy. My nerves are shattered to pieces He completely broke me so badly I ended up in a mental health hospital (detail removed by moderator). My mind is clear & I know exactly what he did years. My adult son not his suffered too,he lives with me now. The hardest bit for me is I can’t talk to anyone as sadly everyone believes the abuser I did try to talk but they keep telling me to move forward & refuse to listen. Both myself & son, even though he doesn’t realise he’s doing it take everything each other says & does as a reflection of how we used to have to live. On eggshells. Now we both desperately need to rebuild our lives & forget what was with previous life. Those close think we can do that over night & have little understanding

[White Rose]

Hi Blueberry
It takes time to recover. Try to get as much help with the way you are feeling as you can. Counselling would help if you feel ready to open up and trust someone with your emotions and feelings. Phoning women’s aid and finding if you have a local group too is good.
You’ll have down days but also better days so don’t like heart!
Post here, share how you are and read others stories. You’ll find some triggering and it will make you remember some events you want to forget but share that too and it will help.
I’ve been out a while now but am still feeling the effects. I’ve had times when I’ve felt I couldn’t feel any worse but those times pass, I may get times like that again. I had help from antidepressants as I was in a really bad place. Hated the failure I felt for needing them but in hindsight it was the only choice at the time and I’m glad I took them…. slowly coming off now.
Share your experiences if it helps you – you won’t shock us!
There’s lots of good resources in books and on line and I’m sure others will suggest these to you.
Important thing to remember is you’re not alone and none of this is your fault.
Take time to look after yourself – eat well get fresh air treat yourself and ignore the memory of him denying you those treats! Take little steps and you’ll slowly regain your strength and ability.
I was reasonably mature when I met mine and owned my own home and worked high up in a fairly stressful profession for years with not a second thought to my ability to cope. After a few years with him I doubted my ability, a few more years and he’d convinced me I was useless at my job, was a hopeless mother, later still he set about telling friends and family I was mentally ill and I started to believe it – till the penny dropped and I realised to my embarrassment I was being emotionally abused. It took a long while to regain my self belief and even longer to feel I could do things independently and that I was capable of existing on my own and not making a total mess if it!
I’m not there yet but I function well. Memories still have the ability to reduce me to a quivering weeping mess but I’m definitely stronger now and capable of living my life and I’ve still got my job so I must be doing something right!
I think I’m getting “me” back and the new me is even stronger than the old one even with more grey hairs!
I know I can feel happy and now I have no contact at all with him can start to feel safe and relax.
Take care and be good to yourself x

[Anonymous]

Hi Whiterose, sorry for not replying a lot sooner. I wasn’t financially dependent when met him, as hard as I tried to get stronger over the years and work, because of all that was going on with him & outside trauma running alongside his abuse, I just got weaker & weaker, By the time I got away I was in such a dreadful state I was barely functioning as a human anymore, severe anxiety & depression ptsd/cptsd I hate being so ill & hate being too ill to work, I struggle with just getting up, washed, dressed doing simple things like housework! This is the first time in my life I have felt totally messed up, I feel so weak, so physically, mentally & emotionally exhausted. Life massively worries for every reason from me getting through this to financially surviving. Will be extremely difficult I know and I have to keep finding the strength to exist & try my hardest to rebuild a world that is stable safe and as happy as I can be xx

[Author]

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