30th November 2021 at 1:53 pm #134938soconfused2Participant
I am divorcing my husband who is emotionally abusive (although stuck living in the same house for now). I am likely going to lose my home and time with our children as custody will to some extent be shared. Because we have children, he will always be in my life, but I expect he will never speak to me again. I am so sad and scared that I am never going to be happy again. I really need to hear some positive stories, if anyone has one.
30th November 2021 at 2:11 pm #134939KIP.Participant
You are absolutely doing the right things here by ending an abusive relationship and I promise you won’t always feel this way. Just now he’s still abusing you, using the silent treatment which should just confirm how abusive he is. Living with him won’t work. You are there for him to continue to abuse daily. Once you are separate from him you can form your own boundaries and relationships with your children unhindered by his selfish abuse. I know it feels overwhelming so talk to women’s aid and get a support network built around you. Your kids need a strong happy positive mum and they will be fine. But he won’t go easily.
30th November 2021 at 2:13 pm #134940KIP.Participant
Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Knowledge Is Power x he’s robbed you of your self esteem and confidence and that’s how to dominate and destroy someone. It will take time to build that back up again.
30th November 2021 at 11:25 pm #134977AnonymousInactive
Yup. Guess I’m a positive story.
Despite horrendous legal struggles out the other end.
DD. top marks at school etc.
Left behind those I needed to leave behind..
Still working on it.
1st December 2021 at 8:10 am #134992EyesopeningParticipant
My story is positive, I had no complications like children or a house. But I am out and free and life just gets better and better. It is worth the initial pain x*x
1st December 2021 at 9:42 am #135002LifebeginsParticipant
I’m out for quite a while and still going through the legal process.
Although it can be stressful I don’t for one minute regret leaving. I have my sanity now which you can’t put a price on. My child is thriving out of the toxic situation. I’m not walking on eggshells all the time or frightened in my own home. I’m not being shouted and sworn at or threatened or called horrible names. I can listen to music and watch what I want on TV. I can wear what clothes or make up that I want without being sneered at. I can go where I want and When I go out I’m not racing against the clock to get home nor being fearful of his response in case I’ve had a nice time which he wouldn’t like. I’m not being gaslighted and or having my confidence eroded daily. I’m starting to rediscover what I actually enjoy doing and what fun is. I’m finding my power and taking responsibility for just me and not being blamed for anyone else’s life, unhappiness, bad moods, etc. I’m planning for my future which I’d totally given up on having resigned myself to a life with my abuser. And the list goes on……
A relationship should be about building each other up, sharing love and happiness, good times and bad but being respectful and kind always. I had very little of any of that. I welcome never speaking to him again (all done through 3rd parties) as I never want to give him the chance to do what he does best; abuse. Not speaking to him has actually helped me heal.
You sound like you’re at the very low point that we all go through when we leave an abusive relationship. It does get better. You will start to live a new ‘normal’ life which of course will involve time away from your children or maybe living in a new home. Hard to adjust to at first but you can make it a positive. Counselling really really helped me get to where I am today.If you’re not already doing it speak to Women’s Aid or your GP for a referral.
Sending you hugs 🤗 xx
1st December 2021 at 10:14 am #135005AnonymousInactive
Just read your post again OP.
Just to say you are probably fearing the worst at the moment. i.e your comments on losing house losing custody of kids etc.
That’s actually what they want you to be, i.e. in a state of fear.
Whereas the actual reality is, you have more rights than you believe right now and it is perfectly possible things will turn out much better than you feared.
So on a positive note, it helped me to accept at some point that lots of people get divorced.
1 in four people are single parents in this country.
Many of us thrive. Yes, we have to
1st December 2021 at 10:14 am #135006AnonymousInactive
tough times but we also have the strong ones and the satisfaction that we are creating our own stories now.
1st December 2021 at 11:05 am #135007BananaboatParticipant
You are lonely now in your current situation, the difference having your own place even if it’s not the house you’re in now, is that you won’t fear the door, you won’t get the same anxiety or walking on eggshells feelings you get now. You can make your own plans for weekends, evenings and special occasions. You and your kids can relax. Try to see it as an exciting time to do new things, make new memories if you can. xx
1st December 2021 at 11:34 am #135012EyesopeningParticipant
I am less lonely then I was in the relationship.
I recently wrote myself a list of all the positive things that have happened since leaving, its a matter of months since I left. Because sometimes I do miss my old life and him, but very rarely now.
I feel a deep at peace feeling
Not outright happy, but deeper ok-ness
No big ups and downs. Not being happy and it being wiped away all of a sudden.
I have no more guilt or regret – i stood up for my boundaries and did what i had to do
No headaches & migraines
My money is my own and I am not being financially taken advantage of
I do not have to look after anyone but myself, I am only responsible for me
I can spend money on me
No heart palpitations
No more mysterious rash
My skin looks better
My skin feels tighter
Me teeth look whiter and healthier
My face has lifted
I look less tired
My shoulders & neck are less sore
My terrible bloating is basically gone
My digestion is faster and better
I sleep better
I am not waking up shattered
I have more energy
My mind is less foggy
I can concentrate better
I can exercise – I was too tired before
I can do things in the weeknight evenings without feeling shattered
I can have a busy weekend and not stress about it
I can see straight
I can think clearer
I am more calm
I am more confident
I have my boundaries set
My anxiety is mostly gone
I do not feel afraid at home or in public anymore, i feel safe wherever i am
Where i am is home, where i am is where i want to be
No one else’s company is better then my own
I have the time and space to rest and focus on my healing
I am cared for and supported
I am in the process of healing old traumas
I am in the process of learning my boundaries and how to defend them
I am in the process of learning how to be the master of my emotions, to not allow others come into my headspace, to not let others effect me negatively.
I am in the process of building my own life and actually having a safe future as he will not put me in debt any longer
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