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So as some of you know I told my partner a couple of months ago I was done, wanted out and unfortunately we’ve been stuck living in the same house since. He’s been true to himself, drinking, taking drugs, withholding bill money, controlling when/how kids and I can move around the house, coupled with days being overly nice, trying with our shared child (whilst still ignoring my other child). I’ve slowly but surely been working out my finances, contacted council etc etc. basically feeling stronger and happier. But now he’s doing the whole I’ll change, do this, do that routine and I’ve stayed strong and said no, but help ladies how do I not cave and give him another chance? I wish I wasn’t under the same roof. Just need your wise words to help me today
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Actions speak louder than words, I imagine his actions do not reflect what he says or if they do it definitely won’t last.
Carry on your escape planning. What helped me when (my ex was arrested out of blue so hadn’t got a plan) was telling myself I will give it a year of being apart to see how he behaves. Didn’t file for divorce but separated finances etc as much as possible. Hadn’t fully accepted abuse at that point. Kept no contact and then there were two further incidents. On the first one I contacted my solicitor and said start divorce proceedings. On the second my adult children also disowned him. It’s not been easy and I am still having counseling but we are all so much happier and relaxed.
Keep strong, you’ve got this and deserve a life for you and your children -
Take a look in here at your old posts.
Remember the man he really is.
The abusive nasty man not the man he pretends to be when it suits him.
Deep down right down in your belly you know you are doing the right thing. Your heart and head wants to not believe he is what he is but deep down you do know it and you know these steps you have taken are taking are so incredably brave and you need to keep going.
Ours eyes are in the front of our heads so we can see whats infront of us not behind us.
Dont look back keep moving foward to a freeer happier life. Xx -
Thank you both, you’re right, I know any changes won’t last and he’s had a thousand chances so why will this one be different. I’ve told him I need peace and space, but of course he won’t go I’ll keep on working towards plan A. It’s awful how they creep in isn’t it, thank you and good tip about old posts! xx
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Write down all of the bad things, days, memories, feelings and look back on it when you have moments of weakness.
I had plenty of weak moments and went back numerous times but when I finally found myself in a headspace where he couldn’t control me or persuade me it was a big relief and he had no idea what to do.
It was upsetting to read back what I had been through but it helped me on the bad days to push through it for a better life.
Sending love x
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