Need to leave but financially controlled

[Mrsjekyll]

My husband has been verbally and emotionally abusive for years. We’ve been together (detail removed by Moderator)yrs and married (detail removed by Moderator). Family warned me against marrying him and honestly I did consider not but went ahead and now we have two children also, aged (detail removed by Moderator).

For years he’s had terrible mood swings but it’s gotten much worse since the children and with sleep deprivation.

He blew up (detail removed by Moderator) at my son who was just messing around.

I have c PTSD from childhood siblings abuse. I can’t take the shouting and blow ups anymore and I don’t want me kids to have to either.

I feel very trapped. He’s always controlled the money. I’m on the mortgage and bank accounts but he does all the billing, investments etc. I feel so stupid but I wouldn’t know where to begin setting up household bills.

I don’t do anything for myself. I used to go to (detail removed by Moderator) but I can’t even do that now. He wants me there for bed/bath time. I was doing a (detail removed by Moderator) course one evening (detail removed by Moderator) and I had to drop out because he was going mental that I wasn’t there to help with the kids.

I’ve just gone down to (detail removed by Moderator) days a week/PT work as my job is really inflexible and most of my full time wage we spent on nursery fees. I can’t just walk out the door but I feel like I need to..

I told myself last year I’ll give it 12m to improve and he hasn’t. I have no family around so if I was a single mum I would have no help. My mum died when my (detail removed by Moderator) was born and my dad is housebound so I also sort out his needs.

My husband has his mum & dad (separated) but we have to practically beg them to help with any childcare.

I don’t know what to do next or where to go. He prevented me from progressing my career and because I’m not financially literate I feel like I’ll get royally screwed if we went to court.

He would not leave, I would have to. We have a (detail removed by Moderator) house with a small mortgage. I have a pension but it’s rubbish. I was relying on his when we retire. I’ve done all the things I know I shouldn’t have done.

My worse nightmare was to end up like my mum. Hear me out. Her and my dad divorced when I was (detail removed by Moderator) and she worked in (detail removed by Moderator) but we always had very little money and out food was basic. We never went on holiday, even in the UK. I just don’t know how I will be able to work while having to do a school/nursery run on my own.

I’ve been in this situation for years and contemplating leaving many times but I now feel that I need to take action because my children are witnessing his behaviour and it’s not acceptable.

[Bananaboat]

Take a deep breath. It all feels impossible and overwhelming right now. But you can do this.

chat to woman’said. Look at Turn2us or one of the other benefit calculators. Work wise, there’s lots of flexibility available these days, remote jobs, before and after school care. Citizens advice offer help with setting up household bills and budgets. Break it down and attack it in pieces. Knowing you want to leave is a big first step, the how can take a bit longer but doesn’t need to mean you’re stuck forever x

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