Need to Let go

[Bramble]

My husband has finally agreed to leave and give me a divorce which was the most amazing feeling but after (detail removed by moderator) of him being away im now full of anger and rage towards him which I dont want to hold on to as I just want to be happy which i should be now he is away. Hi abuse was emotional, physical and mental. I walked on eggshells every day just trying to make sure he would not get angry. Every time I asked him to leave he would physically attack me and although I knew he would probably attach me I just had to ask on the hope he would actually leave.
My ex got a girlfriend about 2 weeks after we split up and being on his own made him too depressed apparently. I asked him to wait until after Christmas to introduce him to our children which he agreed to however he has introduced her already and I has made my kids so depressed and confused, he said they seemed really happy when they met her but I told him our youngest who is (detail removed by moderator) has been getting so angry he is scaring himself and he has been hiding under his duvet crying. I am determined to keep my kids as far away from this as possible as they have witnessed so much of the violence that I dont want them to suffer any more
I just want to be free and happy, Ive already printed the divorce papers, I just need to save up for the court costs. Im so worried this anger will consume me as he does not deserve my pain

[KIP.]

Hey Bramble, have you and your children had any councelling? You local women’s aid should be able to help you understand your feelings or visit your GP and ask for a referral to a councelling service. It’s ok to be angry and very understandable. My ex already had a girlfriend he was seeing behind my back and would rub my nose it the relationship even when I first discovered he was cheating on me. Abusers are notorious cheaters. I still wouldn’t take him back and he became violent. Without her I know I would have had a much worse time. Sadly she is his next victim. Keep all the evidence you can to use against him for access. Abusers just want to see us hurt. They thrive off it. Even their own children’s welfare is of no interest. You asked him to do something and he did the opposite. Just to see you suffer. I would absolutely limit access until things have settled down. Maybe just a couple hours on a Sunday afternoon. The NSPCC have a helpline that might be able to give you some advice, and the helpline number on here. Total no contact was the only way to move forwards for me and stop the mind games. Seeing him triggered my PSTD. You deserve to be safe. Thank goodness he’s moved out. I have a feeling he was seeing this other woman for a while behind your back and using the poor me, I’m depressed sob story. Otherwise, why say anything. My ex made a point of letting me know whereas he would be the last person I would tell anything.

[Bramble]

Thanks kip, it has been hard as I don’t want my kids to have anymore abuse and fear in their lives, they are already worried that they get angry and will turn out like their dad, he sees them twice a week so I can go to kickboxing, and I think I will limit his weekend time, I have made a lot of effort to shelter the kids from this but I feel having them around his new girlfriend is cruel as they are not ready, I’m just glad I would not let him break my spirit so that I can eventually be really happy

[KIP.]

He’s doing this to upset you so don’t let him know it’s working or he will get worse. You cannot Shelter them from his dysfunctional behaviour but you can be their rock. You can show them that you have cut him from your life and that they do not have to put up with abusive behaviour and that there are consequences. They need the tools to deal with abusive manipulation. Women’s Aid are a great resource for abused women and children. They can offer support to you and your children. He’s a violent man and I wouldn’t want someone like that around my children so well done for limiting contact x

[Bramble]

I have been reading loads on splitting up and dealing with all of this which has really helped, I have so much planned, going to London in the Christmas holidays and have 2 holiday planned next year, my best revenge is having nothing to do with him and having a good life, I do worry though that he will take out his frustrations on his next girlfriend as she already wants a baby with him and he is broody. I hope you are doing well now that you have your ex away from you x

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