7th January 2019 at 11:37 am #70207
My ex has already lied to the police, (detail removed by Moderator) is using my younger daughter as a pawn… on and on and on. He is presenting himself as a victim.(detail removed by Moderator) which is simply not true. He has said I flew into a rage when my daughter attacked me, again which is simply not true. (detail removed by Moderator) that he had to leave the family home because he was afraid of me, again simply not true. I am so tired of dealing with this nonsense.
All the time throughout our relationship if there was something bothering me he would tell me to stop twisting things around to shut me up. He has also used force to shut me up. I really hope the police are able to help with the latter. It was a long time ago and he ‘doesn’t hit women’. He does and he has. I know he has re-remembered the time I reported him, or probably forgotten. The first time I didn’t report him. I made excuses.
7th January 2019 at 12:05 pm #70208
Do the police have record of your calls and would this back you?have you recorded this with your gp? its a case of getting all the facts and showing what a liar he is. He sounds very devious but these guys have a habit of tripping themselves up. They need a very good memory to be good liars xx (detail removed by Moderator) xx sorry
7th January 2019 at 3:20 pm #70221freedomtochooseParticipant
hello hon, this sounds so difficult. Still not 100 percent thinking here as flu has affected my brain but just wanted to say thinking of you and hang in there
7th January 2019 at 3:25 pm #70222
He says I have made false allegations to the police. Aaaaggghhhh! He’s the one who has been making false allegations to the police. This is why I have been advised to ask the custody solicitor to look into my police caution!!!
His solicitor at first advised him not to communicate with me verbally. (detail removed by Moderator) advised him the same and that he is not allowed to come into the house or take out the animals. Surely he can’t have it every way?
7th January 2019 at 3:31 pm #70224IwantmebackParticipant
Hi Maddog, if (detail removed by Moderator) his solicitor have advised him to not contact you then he is harassing you. Report to police again, every single time he steps out of line. Definately get your caution looked into as it can be removed. Everything he’s eating you’ve done to him, that’s him telling you he’s done it to you. We know how they work, it’s just getting the authorities to see this to. We will prevail, we will put any end to this despicable behaviour.
Best wishes and tight hugs.
7th January 2019 at 3:34 pm #70226KIP.Participant
Hi, take some deep breaths. These men simply lie. They just don’t care of the consequences or even of the contradictions in their lies. For example, he says he had to leave the family home as he was afraid of you. Then why did he return, break in and and want to walk the dogs. Nobody that scared would behave this way. My ex said exactly the same thing. That he was scared of me. Yet he would still come to where I lived. They contradict themselves. Try to take a step back. Look at his comments logically and you will easily pick them apart. What is he trying to achieve by these comments? Do you have to engage with him at all?
7th January 2019 at 4:12 pm #70232
I truly have no idea what he thinks he wants to achieve by all this nonsense apart from to cause me grief. (detail removed by Moderator) I honestly would have thought by now that had I made false allegations against him, I would not have been advised by the investigating officer to take the steps I am taking.
I have no contact with him apart from for the children. I’m not sure what to do about the sale of the house. The current estate agents are c**p and I prefer that anyone I am paying gets on with each other. All communication has to be through writing since he cannot be honest.
7th January 2019 at 5:04 pm #70235
Can he prove any off this? I bet he can’t. These guys think they’re above the law and courts. They make us feel like they’ll be believed and that’s horrendous. The truth is under pressure they c***k. (detail removed by Moderator) Make sure the back ground of domestic abuse is the precursor of this and explain gas lighting if you have to, to both the solicitor and the judge xx I pointed out the tactics he was using (detail removed by Moderator) and they listened. These men lie through there teeth but the courts can see that. Concentrate on getting the real evidence. He’s actually trying to gas light the professionals, once exposed they really don’t like that. It’s then there credibility on the line xx 💕 DIY
7th January 2019 at 5:39 pm #70239
He didn’t say what the allegations were about(detail removed by Moderator). He wasn’t prosecuted due to lack of evidence. I never thought of putting CCTV in my bedroom. Like throughout our relationship. I did put a security camera in one room though to find out about him climbing in through the window and I have recorded him screaming at me that I provoke everyone (and deserve to be attacked).
I expect the CICA claim will be too late as it’s a long time since the last time he touched me. Instead he used other ways of getting at me.
There really is no explanation for these people. He told me that the police believe him. They don’t.
7th January 2019 at 6:06 pm #70244
Historical abuse will count though, I would have thought. Don’t worry they’ll see through him. This is a tactic to put you I a tail spin. My ex did this. They know they’re about to be exposed and they’ll do anything to throw you off kilter. 1 to make you look like the crazy one and 2 so that you can’t think straight. (detail removed by Moderator) Don’t know if you’ve read many court cases, they’re online. The judges and sheriffs only accept credible evidence. Xx diy 💕
7th January 2019 at 6:18 pm #70247PopilolParticipant
Maddog I could have written that about my ex. Always the victim. Makes me so angry as people believe the lies he tells. (detail removed by Moderator) I have lots of eveidence from text messages he sent a long time ago. I have photos of holes in my walls. I have witnesses. The thing is, he will have nothing to back himself up. (detail removed by Moderator) wants hard evidence, not just a story. They really do think they are so clever and good at lying. (detail removed by Moderator) will see through it. I too am going to explain gaslighting (detail removed by Moderator)as that is exactly what he does constantly. Always the victim and looking for ways to get me in trouble.
7th January 2019 at 8:09 pm #70259FrankfurterParticipant
Is there a single person he hasn’t lied to? It sounds pretty much par for the course with these guys. Get your evidence in order (detail removed by Moderator) Try not to let him get to you, it’s really hard, I know, but you’re in the right here.
7th January 2019 at 10:30 pm #70273
In the end its a dead give away because theyre so stupid they actually think this is all about them. the (detail removed by moderator) dont want to see that its about whats right, thats how the judge sees it xx also the people who make the final decisions have seen everything in their careers before hand as lawyers. They can see through a fraudulant character. xx so try not to worry,not easy i know but like KIP said with a positive outlook this will go in your favour xx
7th January 2019 at 11:31 pm #70280
It is without question that he is unravelling. In the beginning he sounded quite credible. I went to the first mediation with him and he lied so I refused to go again. Since then he has been obsessed with dragging me through every (detail removed by moderator) possible and taking great pride in it. This particular form does read more like a confession than anything else. I don’t know if he will be cross questioned. I don’t know how it works. The other times only my solicitor has spoken.
7th January 2019 at 11:39 pm #70282
if its a custody dispute if no agreement can be made then the final stage is proof. (detail removed by moderator). it can take days, sounds harsh but if that were to happen he would honestly crumble. 2 days of lying is very difficult. i know my ex gave up at that point i think he new and i was ready to go in only with the facts. by that point i had really had enough of his lies xx its the frustration! that really got to me at the time x
7th January 2019 at 11:42 pm #70283
he did the same said it was me, i think they see this alot, its mud slinging on there part. it just ends up looking like sour grapes xx
8th January 2019 at 11:06 am #70306
The children are both old enough to decide for themselves where they want to be. I get very few breaks. (Detail removed by moderator) so this new thing really is just mad. He told me that the police believe him. I know this not to be true. I hope he will be asked what allegations I am supposed to have made against him.
I don’t think he understands that he should stop digging in his hole. Oh well, shove him another spade.
8th January 2019 at 11:36 am #70307KIP.Participant
Someone on here once told me to just sit back and watch the show…… that’s my advice. You really need to no nothing as you say he has his own shovel and is digging quite well on his own. They seem to be convinced by their own lies. Once when my ex was caught cheating, it was so out in the open he couldn’t deny it so he followed me round the house screaming louder and louder that we were separated. It’s funny looking back but at the time he was raging and he seemed to think the louder and more aggressive he said it, the more true is should be. That’s their attitude. Completely bizarre and unreal. But makes us feel crazy.
8th January 2019 at 5:52 pm #70335
I agree with you KIP! If it wasn’t so serious and I didn’t have to deal with people who don’t know me and are only there to protect the children the situation would be laughable. At least I have reassurances from the police and all the other agencies. Sometimes the way my ex carries on makes me doubt myself. It is unreal!
8th January 2019 at 7:37 pm #70345LandyParticipant
My oh lied so much to the police that I downloaded a voice recorder app and used it. I ended up recording him abusing and hitting me. I’m glad I had the courage to do it, I’m pressing charges and (detail removed by moderator) days free.
9th January 2019 at 12:08 am #70363White RoseParticipant
He’s desperate to get himself believed and running rings around everyone he deals with. He’s lying to everyone too by the sound of it including about what police have said – risky business!
It’s a feature of abusers – a technique they use that we’re all really famimiar with and it results in a lot of negative emotions and self doubt in us. Reading your posts I sense a huge amount if frustration! I’ve been there and it drove me BATTY!!!! I also get the feeling you are havi g a sly snigger at his antics – hope it’s helping!
Keep your evidence log up to date. Record and share everything report to police and watch him continue to slip up with his lies. My ex used to say if you’re going to lie make sure you stick to the lie, sadly he couldn’t follow his own advice and ended up contradicting himself and getting caught out.
Keep positive. Look how sane and sensible you are. Don’t be dragged down by his actions he’s a desperate man fighting to save face and guess what? He’s not going to come out on top that’s your position. You are doing just fine. It will all be sorted one day.
Aim for no contact as far as you can and keep handing him his shovel back to dig himself deeper into his own excrement!
Sending hugs xx
9th January 2019 at 12:13 am #70365IwantmebackParticipant
I’m smiling here Maddog, it seems as if karma is coming fir him big time now.😀 he has put you through so much, just sit back and watch the show. 🥂
10th January 2019 at 11:10 pm #70492
Thank you for your reassurances. It means a lot. I have to get my ducks in a row and my solicitor says I must have bullet points for the interview. I know I have evidence dating back some years. But it’s only me writing things down. For such a long time I didn’t dare. I didn’t want to believe it and I felt far too embarrassed and ashamed. Even after I did start to write things it was under a cloak of anonymity though probably less than here. It took me even longer to understand the extent of my ex’s behaviour.
The police and SS will be involved as well and possibly the school. I have no idea who I will be dealing with. It could very easily be a complete numpty.
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