9th September 2019 at 4:05 pm #87669
The verbal abuse and torment has become relentless thank goodness he has now fell asleep allowing me time to post..
We are far from home and family at mo and I don’t have strength to drive but coach/ train not an option as got my dog…but with husband in car I’m a nervous wreck . Any advice on how I can get back
Secondly when I do reach home I think it’s time I tell family everything …including his addiction …but not sure if this will alienate me from them , they are quite strict and anti drugs..what if they say it’s my own fault for getting bacK WITH HIM AND allowing it to carry on? But feel I do need there support right now , whether that is board and shelter for a bit and of one of my family to be the communicator between us over arrangements etc (I have no where near enough money to go back and forth via solicitor ) …
I do wonder if I threaten him to call police it my be he goes of his own accord ?? His job may be at stake ..and he worries about his job as it’s now his only income for feeding his habit
Sorry for all.my.qs and for still being in this position .. I wish there was someone to be by my side through all of this.. feel alone and scared
9th September 2019 at 4:19 pm #87671
Can one of your family members come and get you? Can you ring them just now. Being trapped away on holiday became a total nightmare for me. He threatened to leave me stranded because i wouldn’t have sex. I was petrified. Can you persuade him there’s been a family emergency and you need to get back immediately. Get one of your family to pretend to ring you as an emergency. Abusers thrive on silence and things can’t be any worse once you explain things. Take that leap of faith. Yes involve the police when you get back but don’t tell him or threaten him. Do you have the strength to drive part way. Even if you have to sleep in the car until you get your strength back?
9th September 2019 at 4:21 pm #87672
If you can drive to a local kennel. Leave the dog there for a week. Get home and get things sorted then return with a family member. Google local kennels. Then get train/coach?
9th September 2019 at 4:23 pm #87675
Don’t apologise. None of this is your fault. Abusers are extremely accomplished liars and manipulators. There is never an excuse for domestic abuse. Main thing is to get yourself safe. Ring 999 from where you are if he kicks off again and get their help x
9th September 2019 at 4:32 pm #87677LisaMain Moderator
We are all here for you. I think that the advice you have been given is all good. I would reach out to the Police and also to your family to come and get you. Go safely, play it cool and don’t let him know you are thinking of leaving him or ending the relationship until you get to a place of safety.
9th September 2019 at 4:46 pm #87679
Thanks all for helping me realise some options …family cannot come get me as it’s too far (looking at 12 hour round trip easily ) but coach, train or just taking it real slow in my car could be options but then that means leaving him sort of stranded (but guess what – he could get a train or his mum can come rescue him .)
He’s awake now but back to normal …. So I’m gon g to play it cool and just try get an early night that way keep my health and strength up for a potentially difficult long journey home
9th September 2019 at 5:13 pm #87681YellowflowerParticipant
LozzyX I really feel for you. I would say get some rest like you said and consider trying to drive even if a family member could meet you half way? You sound frightened and worried you need to take control of this situation. Like Lisa said don’t tell him what you doing. But who cares he will be stranded that’s the very least he deserves! Keep strong there’s a life waiting out there for you free from his grip xx
9th September 2019 at 5:18 pm #87684
In my experience he’s got you isolated and vulnerable and there will be lots more abuse coming your way soon. Keep your phone on you at all times. If you won’t or can’t leave then look around at a room you can barricade yourself in or the quickest escape route. Trapping you in the car on the journey is another potential for abuse when you can’t leave the car. They often drive fast and threaten to crash the car to scare us. Stay safe x
9th September 2019 at 5:25 pm #87685
Kip that’s exactly when he turned full on evil I’m still in shock … And it was ME driving…on motorways in torrential rain …yet he would not stop …first it was just constant moaning about everything, really petty things… Then as we got further away from home it was personal attacks …I know it’s only words and I should just ignore but he just seemed pure evil…. Like haha I fooled you ,I hate your guts really ”
Proper crazy making behaviour basically.
He’s gone back to sleep now thank goodness… Gives me some peace
I cannot have that on journey all way home too (he doesn’t drive… I tried telling him how hard it is to drive with him talking to me like that and he just doesn’t take it on board, instead twists it and says that I talk to him.angrily – having one snappy word with him at c***k of dawn is very different to sustained personal attacks though!!!
9th September 2019 at 5:40 pm #87686
Yep mine did similar. Destroyed my self confidence so much I couldn’t drive outside my home town. You need to get out of this relationship before your mental health breaks down completely. You’re exhausted because of the trauma he’s putting you through. Don’t let him know you want to end things. If you can’t get out just now, play along like nothing happened x
9th September 2019 at 6:28 pm #87688EscapeeParticipant
As well as your phone, keep your bank card and some cash stashed on you. Even if it’s down your bra or knickers.
You could also reach out to WA for advice. Could you book a room half way to give yourself a break?
And do tell your family, one of them will get it hopefully and be there for you.
As KIP says, tell the police; when he gets back himself you could be in very serious danger – they could put a marker against you so you get taken serious.
Good luck xx
9th September 2019 at 7:27 pm #87693
I think it’s highly unlikely he will use violence , he didn’t use that last time I left him and he had plenty of opportunities..
Instead he is a bully… I have tracked his behaviour for years now … He mixes it up between verbal abuse , moaning , sulking/stone walking and then turning on the charm offensive when he wants something…. Very unpleasant emotionally but nothing physical so I can’t see police being able to do anything
9th September 2019 at 7:30 pm #87694
Plus on the outside people think he is he best thing since sliced bread …. In the caring profession and such a good actor at playing the concerned/besotted husband and I am just a bit mad and eccentric etc etc
9th September 2019 at 7:34 pm #87695
Sorry third post in a row…but actually I forget I still have some of the text messages as screen sshots, my doctor’s note from last year when I went on anti depressants and now his debt is also very significant so hopefully this helps build a truer picture of his character…just hate to make him out to be a villain … A bully yes …but to get a police record seems a bit extreme and would end his career
9th September 2019 at 7:51 pm #87696EscapeeParticipant
I understand…..sounds very similar to my husband.
Mine did get physical once but I made such a big deal of it he never tried that again as he was too embarrassed. Typical bully boy!
Good luck xx
9th September 2019 at 9:05 pm #87708
Thanks Escapee and I wish you luck for your situation too xx
9th September 2019 at 10:08 pm #87716LightnessParticipant
Hi Lizzy. My situation was similar to yours as i was isolated, had noone to help me leave and had my (detail removed by moderator). I ended up driving myself to safety ((detail removed by moderator)). It took all the energy I could muster. I stayed in various places on the way to break up my journey including friends of friends and a (detail removed by moderator) hotel. He had no idea where I was and no warning. The most important thing is your safety. No need to concern yourself with him. He is responsible for himself.
The whole thing was horribly stressful but the best thing I have ever done. It’s been some time now and I have rebuilt a life surrounded by lovely new friends who wouldn’t dream of treating me as he did.
Sending you strength
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