Needing advice after leaving a bad relationship

[spookysky]

I left a relationship (detail removed by moderator) in which my partner was unpleasant to me. I realised upon leaving that his behaviour was in-fact abusive, but because he was never physical i did not really realise this.

He would often engage in behaviours which were very controlling (stopping me going out, gaslighting, making me feel guilty for wanting to do things, controlling and questioning my finances etc). He would also get angry and shout at me, kick me out, ignore me when cross over nothing to cause me anxiety.

When we split up, this got out of control. He made a fake (detail removed by moderator) account after blocking me from his to ‘keep an eye on me’, turned up at my parents house to have a go at me, brought back my things in binbags (detail removed by moderator) After a few weeks this died down, but it made me feel really scared.

I now have a new partner, and he is absolutely lovely. He knows about my past, and is so understanding and kind and patient with me, but I’m really struggling to stop worrying that he will get mad at me, leave me. I worry that i shouldn’t do things because i am scared of being in trouble or shouted at. I know he would never do this, but after (detail removed by moderator) years of mistreatment it’s so ingrained in me that this is how people behave.

Has anybody got any advice on how i get past this. It eats me up and i can’t stop worrying.

[Lisa]

Hi spookysky,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us how you’re feeling. It’s normal for it to take time to recover from domestic abuse and I hope that sharing support here with other women will help. Your body and mind were on high alert for a long time, it’s not always easy to relearn how to feel safe. Talking therapies can help with this, you could contact your local domestic abuse service, they may have groups or specialist counselling available, or know of therapists locally who specialise in supporting survivors. You could speak with your GP about what is available in terms of talking therapies locally too. Bloom have courses on their website that were designed in partnership with mental health professionals and survivors that are designed to support with recovery from trauma, including domestic abuse.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Cortado]

Hi, I have been through a very similar situation. Feelings of fear, frustration and guilt. I reached out to my doctors and started a course of talking Therapy. It really does help. Forums like this make you realise that you are not alone. Its definitely not easy or a quick fix but everyday I feel stronger and you will too.

[Cortado]

Hi, I have been through a very similar situation. Feelings of fear, frustration and guilt. I reached out to my doctors and started a course of talking Therapy. It really does help. Forums like this make you realise that you are not alone. Its definitely not easy or a quick fix but everyday I feel stronger and you will too.

[Author]

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