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I have been through a period of time this year where my husband has been slowly getting more and more verbally abusive and generally horrible to me… (after years of what I thought was a pretty happy relationship)
Then it just stopped.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to process all the things he said to me or if I’m even valid for being upset about them.
He will flat out deny if I mention the comments so I think I’m supposed to just go back to being madly in love with someone who acts like they hate me?
If it never happens again, was this still an abusive relationship? Am i valid in my doubts about my matriage?
I’m very confused. I feel like when I was able to remind myself it wasn’t okay day to day I was getting the strength to leave, now… not so much.
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these relationships arent continually toxic/abusive. there are calmer days/weeks/months when a partner decides to stop causing you pain. but even during these times when a partner is behaving normally you will naturally still be feeling the pain & confusion of how you were treated when they were being abusive. in a healthy relationship you would be able to talk about what had affected you so badly in an attempt to resolve things but in a toxic relationship this isnt possible at all – because you will be silenced in several ways. they might tell you it never happened or tell you youre being too sensitive/overreacting or tell you it was all your fault – anything to ensure that they are never held to account
the way you are feeling is completely understandable. you are expected to just carry on like normal without being allowed to have a much needed conversation about his behaviour. you may have seen the person you loved become a monster which would have been very painful & confusing for you to witness. so yes it will feel almost impossible at the moment to pretend everythings ok when trust has been broken x
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I am in agreement with minimeerkat . Everything that has been posted in the above post is absolutely spot on . I think a lot of people on the forum will be in agreement with the above post . I most certainly am . Everything that is written down in the post above I can associate with and many others here will too . I’ve been verbally abused for a very long time now. Then it’s the silent treatment. No apologies nothing. I’ve come to the conclusion a leopard won’t change their spots. So so sorry you are experiencing the same awful experience as many others are experiencing. There are plenty of lovely people here to talk too . You are in good company here . You are definitely not too blame whatsoever. Please look after yourself. Your the most important one in this situation. Best wishes always.
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So difficult for me to understand that I am not doing anything wrong especially when someone tells me that I’m wrong for saying this / this / or this . Being told that I need to be shouted at because I’m not grateful enough. Being told my brain is weird . Never feels the need to apologise for the shouting. So so difficult to understand.
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