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I have been through a period of time this year where my husband has been slowly getting more and more verbally abusive and generally horrible to me… (after years of what I thought was a pretty happy relationship)
Then it just stopped.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to process all the things he said to me or if I’m even valid for being upset about them.
He will flat out deny if I mention the comments so I think I’m supposed to just go back to being madly in love with someone who acts like they hate me?
If it never happens again, was this still an abusive relationship? Am i valid in my doubts about my matriage?
I’m very confused. I feel like when I was able to remind myself it wasn’t okay day to day I was getting the strength to leave, now… not so much.
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these relationships arent continually toxic/abusive. there are calmer days/weeks/months when a partner decides to stop causing you pain. but even during these times when a partner is behaving normally you will naturally still be feeling the pain & confusion of how you were treated when they were being abusive. in a healthy relationship you would be able to talk about what had affected you so badly in an attempt to resolve things but in a toxic relationship this isnt possible at all – because you will be silenced in several ways. they might tell you it never happened or tell you youre being too sensitive/overreacting or tell you it was all your fault – anything to ensure that they are never held to account
the way you are feeling is completely understandable. you are expected to just carry on like normal without being allowed to have a much needed conversation about his behaviour. you may have seen the person you loved become a monster which would have been very painful & confusing for you to witness. so yes it will feel almost impossible at the moment to pretend everythings ok when trust has been broken x
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I am in agreement with minimeerkat . Everything that has been posted in the above post is absolutely spot on . I think a lot of people on the forum will be in agreement with the above post . I most certainly am . Everything that is written down in the post above I can associate with and many others here will too . I’ve been verbally abused for a very long time now. Then it’s the silent treatment. No apologies nothing. I’ve come to the conclusion a leopard won’t change their spots. So so sorry you are experiencing the same awful experience as many others are experiencing. There are plenty of lovely people here to talk too . You are in good company here . You are definitely not too blame whatsoever. Please look after yourself. Your the most important one in this situation. Best wishes always.
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Seem to be having issues sleeping just lately. I’m sure it’s stress related. Hope to speak with a GP at some point soon.
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So difficult for me to understand that I am not doing anything wrong especially when someone tells me that I’m wrong for saying this / this / or this . Being told that I need to be shouted at because I’m not grateful enough. Being told my brain is weird . Never feels the need to apologise for the shouting. So so difficult to understand.
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Someone doesn’t realise that that big smile on their face could change in a blink of an eye . Someone in my family is on their side but they are going to disrupt things and they are both so blinkered. The person on my side does not realise what consequences could arise if they go through with their mission. True colours will be shown that’s all I can say about it all .
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This particular member of the family doesn’t know what my other half thinks of the person she is hanging out with . My other half has told me that they detest them . The family member doesn’t know that . They don’t know it’s me that will be providing the xmas gift not my other half . They don’t know half yet they side with my other half . They are so blinkered it’s unreal . My real hope would be to move far away from all of this . They don’t deserve me none of them do or it’s a case I’m better off without them .
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I can remember messaging this family member when I was talking with my local womens aid and the family member was basically telling me well at least someone believes you as if I was just saying what I was saying for the fun of it . No empathy whatsoever. Just thinking of themselves. It’s like we’ll you do have a mental health issue so you must be the problem.
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I should realise leopards don’t change their spots. Once again he shouted at me over something so small . Belittled once again. I was really un impressed by how he was reacting . No apology yet again. I did answer back when he was shouting. When I answered back I was told I needed to shut up . I talked about New years resolutions maybe try saying Sorry. It won’t happen it never does .
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This sounds a lot like what I’ve been going through. The partner makes you feel like you’re going mad. Is it what you thought it was? Was it really a joke? Was it/is it and I feel all they intend to do is guilt you. No one deserves to feel sad because of someone else’s inability to be a kind human. Period.
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@Firsttimedivorcee , my heart goes out to you. It is a great situation to be in is it . I have Adhd so I’m wondering all the time if I’ve got this all wrong. I question myself over and over . I just don’t know what to think. Please take care of yourself and please be kind to yourself too. Thank you for your support 🙏. Best wishes
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Doesn’t matter what I do there will always be something I do that is wrong in his eyes .
Not sure what this is called but one day they will complain about something saying something I do is wrong then the next day they say something completely different. I don’t know if I’m coming or going half the time talk about confusing messages.
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I do suffer with really bad anxiety. A few things are making me really anxious but the topics that are making me anxious are topics that I can’t discuss with my other half because we don’t agree on these topics and he will end up shouting his mouth off . I have to pretend that I’m OK or just tell him I’m worried about something that he won’t shout about. It’s so difficult to deal with knowing I can’t tell him the real reason why I’m anxious. Basically alone with this . How rubbish is that.
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