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    • #67316
      Fly like an eagle
      Participant

      Hi all,
      I’m new to the forum, although would have joined sooner if I’d known.
      I fairly recently fled an emotionally,verbally and one time physically abusive relationship. I was supported out of the house by a DA support worker. I am restarting my life near family. My ex has recently accused me of abducting our child and has filed to court, despite my allowing access (which I hugely struggled with, not knowing if it was completely safe to do so).
      My question now is shall I go to police at this stage with details of his behavior? I reported the fleeing at the time, but didn’t want to give a statement for fear of wrecking his life.
      Now he says he wants shared custody of our child, is insisting on more contact than he’s getting and still trying to control everything he can. I want to have it guaranteed that I am the main parent for her wellbeing.
      He’s also withheld money which was mine and is financially abusive.
      Any advice on the custody threat appreciated.

    • #67321
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi, I’ve been through this recently. Make sure you get as much evidence of his behaviour as you can. The route I took was GP records of what I was experiencing what my child was witnessing. I too her along too we got three letters in all to show the effect this would have on her. I made the police aware that we may be in danger and I had police reports printed out. Also depending on the age of your child I got a therapist she also wrote a report. And womensaid provide support and evidence of what your child may be at risk of experiencing. It’s alot to do, and alot to take in. When you go to court they’re often not interested in what you’ve been through which us wrong but i guess its their rules you have to pkay by😧I concentrated mainly on the fact my child would be at risk of witnessing domestic abuse at handover etc. I proved this by asking people who witnessed this behaviour to write their version of events. My child wrote a helping hands form with a social worker I new. I never saw it, it was in a sealed envelope and the judge was the only one to see it. So basically keep it around your child address him/her through all your evidence. Contact centre if your not sure your safe, slow steps with contact going out with the centre because that’s what the court aims for. Know your rights and you have the right and your child has the right not to be abused or witness abuse. That is set down now in law xx don’t be scared it’s hard work but very doable 💕💕💕DIY

    • #67322
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Also womens aid have a document ;what about my right not to be abused? Domestic abuse,human rights and the family courts xx This was a hugh source for me xx 💕

    • #67323
      KIP.
      Participant

      I would always report to the police. That way they have a complete record for future reference and it may help with non molestation orders. You may also find that other women have reported him. It all builds a big picture. I waited until my ex was arrested before reporting all the abuse. It also helped my conscience. He’s their problem now not mine x

    • #67495
      Fly like an eagle
      Participant

      Thank you for the advice. I got the court order through and (detail removed by moderator), even though I left several months ago and he’s had regular access in that time. I think he’s doing this as he has no other power left. It’s all about controlling and manipulating me. I’ve set up a new life for us back where I’m from, are the courts likely to rule in his favour?

    • #67505
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi Fly like an eagle,

      I saw your post earlier before it was removed. The answer is no the courts will listen to you as long as you can prove that your protecting your child appropriately. That is exactly what your doing, the trouble is abusive men still use the same tactics in this setting. Theyre deluded remember so that goes against them its hear say. The court is only interested in fact. Do you have time to get ready and prepare? xx DIY

      • #67639
        Fly like an eagle
        Participant

        Not much time, (Detail removed by Moderator) What do you recommend? Have you been through something similar. Yes deluded is how he seems for sure! i wish i could get through to ‘rights of women’ but never do. Thanks DIYmum xx

    • #67652
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Yeh I can try to help, I can empathise with how your feeling it’s not a nice position to be put in.Its fixable though xx I’ve sent you a message x

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