Never ending

[-Littlebird-]

I left the abuse over a year ago and I still feel I’m not away from the financial control he had over me… I had to leave the house we jointly owned and it has since been repossessed and I’m sure I will still owe money once it’s sold and everything finalised. He’s made himself bankrupt so the full bill will fall to me… plus I’m still paying over £100 per month on a loan he took out in my name while we were together. I just feel like I can never be free while I’m stuck in the debt which I don’t deserve- I worked the whole time we were together and only left work when I knew I would be recieving inheritance from my father which of course I saw nothing of as he took complete control. I will be paying it back for the rest of my life. Sorry, it just feels so hopeless and no one seems to understand – they just say things like- pay it back a £1 per week if u can’t afford it they can’t take it- but then i feel like it will never be over and I can’t move forward.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi, has anyone recommended you speak to citizens advice or a money matters group. Don’t use any of the advertised companies, they charge you to just for even getting paperwork to you to sign. They’ll take a list of all your income and expenditure and negotiate a set amount to pay back to these creditors. In Scotland it’s called a DAS scheme. You could also sue your ex in the small claims court too. I owed well over 25,000 at one point, my oh saying it was my debt(we’d both signed for it), telling me I better not lose the house. The quicker you address this the better it is for your health. I was suicidal because of it. But once I took control, when I knew it was getting paid off bit by bit, I could breathe again. I also found that after I’d paid a certain amount back some of the creditors wrote the remainder of the debt off. Don’t hesitate to get in touch, and make sure you let who’s helping you know that this is part of abuse through DA.

Take care, you’ll feel really received once you know what you’re doing financially

IWMB 💕💕

[-Littlebird-]

Thank you! Yes I think you are right once I’m in control of the payments I probably will feel better. I will go and speak to citizens advice and some help.

[Iwantmeback]

Relieved not received. 😄

[EbonyRaven]

Th Government recommended one in England is Stepchange. They are a charity. Stepchange.org. Be careful if you search engine them as you get results from other companies too.

x

[fizzylem]

Yes, I paid a little each month, then asked for a settlement figure and the amounts were reduced a lot, think to almost half in some cases. This happened to me as well, it feels so unfair doesn’t it, paying off his debt, I also contributed to paying off his loans when together as well – that will never happen again.

My friend is about to get married to someone who is out of control with his finances, and he has full control of their finances, she thinks getting married will give her security?! It seems like a pretty miserable relationship to me most of the time and that he’s very controlling. Can’t help but wonder if she will get saddlled with half his debts at some point – she won’t hear it though, wants to feel married more than anything else.

[Iwantmeback]

I overheard a young girl in the supermarket recently excitedly talking of getting married. How it’s all she’s ever wanted is to be married and be a mum, sounded as if she was giving up work too, to concentrate on building a home. She was 22 if she was a day. I just said, that I hoped she’d be happy but to not give up working and make sure she kept her friends close too. We have so far to still go if the young women of today still aspire to being married and a mum. 😏😔

[Fudgecake]

I completely agree with you, IWMB. Today,I saw a beautiful young woman in a queue. I was imaging her to be carefree and happy but then her whole body language changed. Her shoulders slumped down and her expression became anxious. I turned to see a grumpy, scruffy slouch of a young man approaching her with two kids in tow. She was barely passed twenty in my opinion. He barked something to her and then promptly dumped off the kids to her. Now don’t get me wrong. I bought into the dream of husband, kids and a white picket fence in my youth too. I still believe in the ideal of marriage even now. Sadly, reality is somewhat different in my experience. Luck? Maybe.
However, I have to ask…Is our gender truly emancipated?

[Author]

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