Never leaving abuse

[Twisted Sister]

We left our home behind quite a while ago now and fled to refuge.

We left behind all our friends and community and have spent the long time since facing homelessness over and over.

I did reconnect with a couple of friends the other night as I managed to find an old contact list!!! As I had no numbers when we left and changed my number.

I found it so difficult to explain anything even all this time later and starting saying I was frustrating him and so on, when she said she’d had no idea, but really he made no effort to welcome her to our home even though I did see a fair bit of her with our yoing children. When she talked she remembered witnessing an incident, which my children and I didn’t flinch at but had really shocked the way he was shouting at me and the way he was blming me for something out of my control.

She also, after listening to me struggle to speak (she’s highly qualified medically), said something that struck such a chord and made so much sense. That soldiers never return home from the front line; even though they have left the war and physically should have peace and security in their own home now they’re back, they continue to live it.

This describes it for me so well. I might understand myself a bit better knowing this is actually a thing, as I just get so fed up and tearful at myself not being able to piece together all my nightmares, and exaggerated reactions. We can move out but carry on living it, feeling it in our bodies and minds.

I know its not exactly an uplifting thing, but it has helped to have heard this that it gives some sense my often fractured feeling world now I am so terrified of so much after being so unbothered and unterrified as a person living a good life, having a good job, great job and salary, to have come to this, with nothing and my mind ransacked and body ravaged.

I wanted to share that sense of it. Hope its helpful to others if you are living lke this.

Warmest wishes. Ts

[Anonymous]

I’m Sorry to hear your hurt.You struggle to remember who you were once.I feel the same, sad today but I am so frustrated with myself as I will never have to see him again nor will my little girl. But I feel like im always looking over my shoulder, never at peace with myself. Im struggling to put this in to words. Any way much love to you xx

[Twisted Sister]

Aw bless you DIYmum, it is hard to say it to out it in a way that captures it. Why I thought those words so meaningfully

Sorry to hear you feeling it too

Warmest wishes ts

[Shipoffools]

Hi TS

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug…it is hard starting again with nothing..and it takes time to ‘re build’ our lives…more than a few years…what has kept me going is defiance…that I left for a better life….if you’ve read some of my replies to other Survivors you’ll know I fled to my brothers in a different county, with my children and left everything else behind….then a few years later my by then brainwashed children (through contact) wanted and went to live back with their DV dad….so it’s been a rocky road and at times I wanted to give up but I always come back to – I can’t let him beat/win me….He will not destroy me….I feel like I’ve walked through a battle zone at times…please, please, please don’t give up hope a brighter beautiful, peaceful days and definitely get some good couselling to help you too, hope this helps a little…x*x

[Twisted Sister]

Thank you for posting your support to me Shipoffools

Is good to hear you have that defiance to keep driving you on, and sad to hear that the abuse is viewed attractive and wanted so much as to move country for. Sadly, it does take many more years than childhood to mature enough and gan sufficient abuse insights to see through it, it was hard for us, but children, and thats where the system is truly broken that you are silenced to speak out about them, or be accused of parental alienation.

So sick of it all, sick of any woman having to leave the home she set up with her children and flee with them only to watch them go back!

It feels like just existing and no life.

I walked for a couple of hours this morning in the waning summer sun, there were blackberries and sloes, and plums, and apples all hanging inthehedgrows and spilling plentiful on the dry grass mixed with brambles. If I could just walk and walk and walk, I feel like maybe one day itight be alright
Like Forest, running!

Warmest wishes ts

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Twisted Sister,

It’s the safety within that’s gone. I found that this is the most terrible thing from the aftermath of abuse.

I find great comfort in watching movies or reading about soldiers and war reporters to understand better the way I feel.
The scenery might be different. But they too are lost for words.
Their counsellors are specialised in trauma and one said to a war reporter reporting his inability to sleep, having bad dreams, intrusive images, panic attacks that ‘thank god you went through that. You are a human being. It is a positive reaction to a situation – a human reaction based on human compassion. It’s like experiencing a fever: it does’t feel good at the time, but in reality it’s burning up bad germs inside your body. It is a positive thing.’

For war movies I can recommend The hurt locker and the Vietnam War if you like action and books like ‘how to avoid being killed in a war zone’. I am being a bit ironic with this book but found that humor can help beat the dark aftermath of abuse. After all I found to have gone through an abusive relationship pretty much like having being through a war zone minus the training and fire arms at hand. Unfortunately.(detail removed by moderator).

Take care

[Twisted Sister]

That’s awesome insight hopelifejoy! It had such an impact on me hearing that said about never returning home from the war, and always having connected with the war analogy for myself for years, not realising that books have been written about the links between soldiers in war zones and women\children in their own domestic war zones, where they have no allies, or weapons and sleep with the enemy.

Gosh!…breathe…

Am not so good at reading, used to devour books! And I struggle to see similar struggles, but I do want to find a way of connecting with it a bit more like you as think it would be useful for the parallels and sense it makes.

There are PTSD forums I think, and someone said on here about certain activities that help with recover. I am on 9 mth waiting list to get help with PTSD specifically. Been told is very effective gentle woman does it, just not enough of her to to round I guess.

Warmest wishes to you with your recovery. Ts

[Author]

Posts