New and a little scared

[honeyuh]

I got out of my abusive relationship years ago. Yet it feels like yesterday. Only recently have I taken it to court. My ex isn’t allowed anywhere near me but I’m so terrified still. It’s been (detail removed by moderator) since i testified and nothing has happened! After i told my story to the police it brought up a lot of emotions and memories that I tried to forget. Now i have panic attacks a lot more often, ill be doing my normal thing and suddenly i start thinking about what happened, or think i see him in the street and just freak! I still live at home and my mum knows a bit about what happened. Yet every time i try to explain how scared i am she tells me to “not give him power” and its just not that easy. I need advice on what I should do? is there anyone going through a similar experience? How do i approach talking about how I feel without going into detail about what happened?

[Iwantmeback]

Hi and welcome to the forum. Well done in getting away, it takes a lot to be able to do that. It also takes courage to face our fears. The brain is an amazing tool. It hides a lot from us, but when we’re ready it shows us things that it knows we’re strong enough to deal with. Once we truly face our fears, they can no longer hurt us. Humans are inbuilt with the fear emotion. It’s what protects us in terrible situations, keeps us alive as the human race. Your mum is right in saying, dont give him the power. You’ve given him so much already, don’t allow your great of him to determine the rest of your life. We all heal at different stages. No-one’s timeline for healing is the same as another’s. You’re bound to be all over the place as you’ve just recently relived things. Give it time, ask your doctor if there’s anyone you can speak things over with, mine recommended a lovely psychologist. She was so nice and she got it. That’s the important thing, she didn’t speak in platitudes, she had input and advice and allowed me to work things out too. No-one tells someone how long they should grieve when someone they know and cared for dies, the emotions in leaving an abusive relationship are very similar. Look back and see how far you’ve come, even write it down. You’re doing great, take time to get to know your mum again. educate her on abuse. It’ll surprise you how much she knows already.
Keep going and show him by having a fulfilling, amazing life that’s he’s not won.

IWMB 💕💕

[Lisa]

Hi Honeyuh

Welcome to the forum. It sounds really hard to be suffering from panic attacks when memories of the abuse come back to you and feeling like you could bump into him. You could contact your local domestic abuse service to see if they offer any specialist counselling to help process the trauma of the abuse.

You have been so brave to get away from him and report what he did.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

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