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    • #127649
      Bluebellwishes
      Participant

      Hello lovely ladies!
      Thank you for all your posts i find them very informative and can relate so much!

      I am in a controlling and occasionally physically abusive relationship!
      Married and have a young child.
      I feel like i have just woken up and can see everything he has done over the years and how awful he has treated me!

      With the help of womens aid i have packed all my things and have a safety plan to leave however i am really struggling to actually take that jump! Once im gone there will be no turning back for sure but i have alot of pressure from social services to do it soon!

      I think im just scared i dont want to wait until something ‘bad’ happens to leave i just want to go!

      What im asking really is how do i do it? How have you ladies found the courage to take the ultimate step of leaving?

      Thanks in advance xx

    • #127653
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hello and welcome. It took the police involvement for me to finally get out. But I also had to lie to myself at times just to move. Tell yourself it’s a trial separation. A holiday. Whatever it takes to get out. Make sure all your ducks are in a row before you go. He will have parental rights so gather evidence for a non molestation order for you and your child to protect yourself. It’s one thing social services pressuring you to leave but it won’t stop his right to access to his child so be prepared. Educating myself on abuse helped too. Why we stay. Why the abuse. Have your read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Know your enemy. Knowledge Is Power x

    • #127654
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Welcome.
      I don’t think there’s always a tidy way to leave. It’ll never be the perfect time or situation. Usually when I left it was prompted by a crisis. I wish I’d had the stregth to leave before these things happened but the important thing for me now is that I did leave. For me this meant a family members for a few nights while I sought something else more long term temporary, then elsewhere because he found out where I was, and then finally (detail removed by moderator) later) social housing came up.
      If you go on the social housing list try to get involved with women’s aid / Freedom Program so they can support your application and this will make a difference to which category your application is in.

      Good luck.
      GreyRock

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