New, and don’t know who to tell

This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Unsureofwhattodo Unsureofwhattodo 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #67575
    Profile photo of Unsureofwhattodo Unsureofwhattodo 
    Participant

    Hello all, just joined here. I’m looking for a safe place to talk about my experience in an abusive relationship. It’s now over, thankfully. My friends and family know he was not a great boyfriend, but no one knows the extent of it. I made up excuses for injuries and never told anyone about the fights except my therapists.
    I feel like keeping his behaviour a secret is protecting him, which I don’t care to do anymore. But I don’t know how to tell people. Or if I even should.

  • #67578
    Profile photo of Iwantmeback Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi there and welcome. You’ll start to open up when you’re ready, my problem now is not being able to not talk about it. I don’t bad mouth him as such, but i do tell people what he is and what he’s done. There was a thread earlier in the week concerning losing friends once they found out. It’s a good read as losing some you thought would stand by you through thick and thin can knock you for 6. Keep reading and posting. I wrote updating new laws regarding telling police about it. You have up to 2 years to report now.
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #67584
    Profile photo of Tiffany Tiffany 
    Participant

    If you can get to a women’s aid drop in, or get an appointment to see a local women’s aid worker that would be my top suggestion. These women are trained to understand and talk about these things so telling them is much easier than telling family and friends for example. They also won’t minimise what you have been through either, which can be an issue that you run up against with people who don’t understand domestic abuse – they find it hard to believe that you would have put up with it if things were as bad as you say they were. Honestly they were probably worse, but it is hard to try and convince others of that when you have only just stopped minimising things yourself. I also found talking to my GP helpful. Both of these should also be able to signpost you towards counselling if you think that would be helpful, although waiting lists do tend to be long. Take telling people one stage at a time. You don’t have to do it all at once. You’ve made a brave start by posting on here. I ultimately told everyone who asked, but you don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to.

  • #67649
    Profile photo of Unsureofwhattodo Unsureofwhattodo 
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your replies.

  • #67766
    Profile photo of Unsureofwhattodo Unsureofwhattodo 
    Participant

    I have an appointment with a women’s shelter and have signed up for a group that helps women who have been in abusive relationships. My psychiatrist and therapist and social worker all know about what’s happened.
    But I have never told any of my friends or family or the police. When I went to the hospital for broken bones I made up excuses on how I “was so clumsy”.
    I wish I hadn’t covered for him. And apart from hospital records or photos of injuries, I have no proof of what he did. So I don’t know if I have and legal recourse.
    Another problem is he owes me thousands of dollars. I would like to take him to the court for this, but I don’t want to let him back into my life.
    I’m just unsure what I should do, or if I should just be happy to be out of it and leave everything the way it is. I could really use that money back though.

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