New and feeling lost

[Belle]

Found this site few years ago by accident and it opened my eyes up to what was really happening to me .i was meant to come across it I think .sadly I’m still in the same situation many years on .after (detail removed by moderator) yrs with this man ,having his children ,making a home been the general dogs body putting up with his abuse im sitting here alone now feeling hopeless and angry at myself whilst he away out probably to see another woman which is nothing new.we aren’t in a relationship anymore we don’t share a bed we live separate lives .we just live in the same house .right now I hate myself for been so weak so needy .this past few years since I realized I was been abused I’m felt nothing but shame for myself .how could I let someone do this to me .how .i hate myself for that .is this normal .at he beginning of our relationship he used to tell me everyday I was ugly I wasn’t good enough for him and that’s how I’m feeling now.life is slipping me by and I’m stuck in a rut unable to move .sorry if I seem dramatic.

[Lightness]

Hello Belle
You’re not being dramatic. Your feelings are normal for this type of situation.
It’s very positive that you are not in denial about the abuse and that you are reaching out for help.
You do not sound like a weak person to me – you have endured a long time being abused. That is a lot of brain washing and it is no wonder that you are feeling in a rut.
Are you able to leave the house? As you say, you are already living separate lives. That is not to say it is easy to leave – it is never easy to leave. Are you able to make an escape plan?
You will need a good support network in place to help you through this difficult time. I am sure Women’s Aid will help if you call
x

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi Belle, try not to hate yourself, all the shame is entirely his for choosing to abuse you. Nobody asks to be abused. Manipulation tactics are very subtle and effective especially at first. Nobody that’s lived with being abused all that time is weak. If you can find the chance to leave and stop contact with him you will not feel needy. Yes you’ll have lots of healing to do but your mind will clear and you’ll no longer hear or believe all the nasty messages he told you. Start with one CA to WA and take it from there xx

[Falling Skys]

Hi belle

Good to have you on board.

Never be ashamed of what you have put up with or been through you are a survivor. You did what you did for you family, I often think I did all the wrong things for all the right reasons.

The verbal abuse make us doubt our selfs and rights for a better life. Talking about to poeople that understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship is a great step forward.

Keep posting on here gain your strength, speak to woman’s aid. What ever you want to do we will be there for you.

FS xx

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