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    • #75033

      I’m new to this forum, I was advised to join it by someone on the 24 hour helpline, so I thought I’d give it a go. I’m really not in a good place at the moment, I’m still with my partner, I live with him but I do want to get away. I was working with my local women’s aid, but it has become really difficult and I don’t feel supported by them at all, I barely even talk to them even after I leave lots of messages for them. Has anyone got any suggestions on what I should do with regards to getting support ongoing? I’ve swapped outreach workers at women’s aid and that’s still not helped, if anything it’s gotten worse, and I’ve called the 24 hour helpline who have said they can’t provide ongoing support. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’m really struggling and in an extremely dark place at the moment. I feel so lost and so vulnerable.

    • #75034

      Hi, and welcome. Abuse makes us feel very vulnerable. Can you ask yourself what is stopping you from leaving? If you’ve decided you want to leave then work through what’s stopping you. Often it’s Fear Obligation and Guilt. That’s the FOG of abuse. I would recommend good counselling going forwards and to educate yourself on abuse and it’s effects. Have you read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven or Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Slowly work on your self esteem and confidence. Try to build up a life and interests separate from your abuser. Keep posting on here for support from women who have walked your path x

    • #75035

      Hello there, good to see you on here, you are in the right place hon, if I can call you that.

      It is several years since I made this journey, I’m off for counselling today, which is a bit scary as I thought I was somehow ‘over’ the whole thing by now…

      I remember the journey you hope to make.

      For me it was full of stops and starts. Meaning I made several attempts to contact WA and others and it really took me a while before I was ready to make a move iykwim.

      Perhaps you might tell us what you understand by ‘ongoing support’? That might sound like a stupid question, and other ladies on here will have something to offer – but with me (and that is a good few years back mind) – I met with WA but it took a while before I was ready to leave…is this the situation you are in?

      If so, don’t blame yourself, aparrently it takes seven attempts for most of us.
      Perhaps not the most optimistic of statistics, but we know how hard it can be…

      Keep posting, hoep other ladies have insights, they generally do…

      thinking of you

    • #75036

      And emphasising good sense from KIP as always, we must have posted in the exact same moment…

    • #75041

      Hi and welcome. I’m the same as you, in that I’m still with my oh. I’ve been to WA, and they were great but until we are ready to leave they really can’t help with the after can they? They’ve helped too in getting us to recognise our partners are abusive but the next step is one only we can take and I know how hard that is. What I can only suggest is to educate yoursekf as much as possible on abuse. The FOG of abuse, which stands for fear, obligation and guilt, explaining things doesn’t make it e easier to leave, it can only be done when we’re ready. There’s also a phrase, trauma bonding, like Stockholm syndrome. It really depends on how long you’ve been with him and the type of abuse you’ve been subjected to. Verbal and emotional do more long term damage than physical but physical cam lead to death. Either way we die, whether its emotionally or physically.
      Keep posting and keep learning, one day it will come and you’ll be enough is enough.
      IWMB 💕💕

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