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    • #115975
      Autumnrose
      Participant

      Hi, I have recently managed to leave my marriage with 2 older children in tow. i’ve watched the forum for a little while but only just free enough to be able to post. I knew that every incident was wrong but I always forgave, now I’m having time to process and its hitting me so hard I don’t know what to do. It wasn’t physical but very psychological and there was other forms of abuse that I am now only seeing as abuse because I was always compliant, he had trained me for a long time so I thought it was my fault, I agreed to it all so how could I complain. Now I am so lost and scared, I cant talk to anyone because people that knew him wont believe it, people that know me wont understand why i didn’t say anything, so wont believe it and with children old enough to understand, I am scared they will hear about it and it would scar them for life. This is me, new on here, new to recovery and new to speaking out. Thank you xx

    • #115985
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hello and welcome. What you’re going through is a normal reaction to the abuse. Your confidence and self esteem have been shattered and you will need to slowly build that back up. Please contact your local women’s aid for support and take a look at the book Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Most of the people in my life knew there was something wrong. We minimise their behaviour and it really becomes normal to us but others round me saw it differently. You need to talk to someone about this as abuse thrives on silence. Could you talk to your GP and get some counselling in place? Meantime you need to be very kind to yourself. The mental abuse was far worse than any physical abuse for me x

    • #115987
      Same-again
      Participant

      Hello, we are here. We hear you.

      You are believed.

      Big hug. It’s all I have to give for now. Take care sweetie. x*x

    • #116002
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Don’t be so convinced that no-one will believe you. Some won’t but some will. Take your time. It can feel like one shock after another when you first begin to understand what your relationship really was. Talk on here as much as you wish. No one will doubt you for a moment. xx

    • #116098

      Wow I can really relate to what you have shared. The abuse I was subject to was exclusively psychological, emotional & financial and it wasn’t until I left with my babies (initially but of course (detail removed by Moderator) over several years). Anyway because I’m a forth right & gregarious individual no one did believe it. Equally because he maintained such an exemplary facade people would struggle to grasp what a demon I lived with all those years. He tried to steal my identity & self worth. It was indescribable. My heart goes out to you at the beginning of your journey to recovery. Trust that your children know you love them & are loving.

    • #116103
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hi and welcome I can relate so much to what you are saying and you are so brave to leave these types are sooo difficult to leave the threats harassment fear manipulation – but you did it!
      I found speaking up after helps – abuse thrives in silence as you know. I’ve lost friends because it wasn’t safe but you may be suprised how some may really step up and give you the support you need and you will make new friends. The important thing is to begin to trust in your truth and believe in you it starts healing for you and your children and it gets better it really does x

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