New and Nervous

[Wibbles]

Hi, just posting to this forum makes me nervous. I’ve recently come to accept I’m in a coercive and abusive relationship. Just saying it out loud is scary and feels unreal, I never thought I would be “one of those people”.
I realise now that this has been going on for years but it has been much worse in the last (detail removed by moderator) years. This is partly my fault, I engaged in sending flirty emails to a friend which my husband found and was understandingly devastated by. However, whatever I did or didn’t do, I don’t deserve the treatment I get now.
He has always been one to sulk and give me the silent treatment for days if I do something he doesn’t like. I have to ask permission to go out with friends or family and if I don’t agree with his opinions I’m either wrong or stupid.
Most recently he stops me wearing skirts to work as he thinks it will cause me to be more flirty or something, I’m not really sure.
We have  beautiful children together who love him so much. I’m not ready to leave and devastate then and he’s threatened to kill me if I go so that scares me too.
I think at the moment I just need to connect with people who understand what I’m going through and won’t judge me.

[Escapee]

Hey Wobbles,

Welcome to the wonderfully supportive space. His treatment of you is not your fault; we all do stuff that we later regret but that’s the same in any relationship. The way he his treating you is not ok!

I stuck with my husband for half my lifetime and I’m just starting on the road to recovery. Read some posts on here and it will help you see that you are so not alone in this.

Have you spoken to anyone at Women’s Aid or another Domestic Abuse charity?

Do lots of reading – use your incognito tab so it keeps you safe.

And ask away here, we have so many different experiences (and also very similar) that you’ll soon feel supported.

X*x

[Escapee]

Sorry that was meant to say Wibbles!!

[Fudgecake]

Hi Wibbles and welcome to the forum,

I don’t mean to alarm you but I raised my eyebrows reading that he threatened to kill you. Big red flag to me. I’d take all physical threats very seriously. Talk to WA and start planning to leave. Don’t let him find out about your intentions either as leaving is the most dangerous time.

[Lisa]

Hi Wibbles,

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find it a safe and supportive place to be! I am so pleased to see that you have already had some replies. Please do try the helpline when you have a safe time to call, they can help to support you. The fact that you had some friendly banter with a friend does not mean that your husband now has the right to abuse you and control you. You are not to blame for his behaviour and threats to kill are very serious. Please try the helpline and let us know how you are getting on.

We are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Wibbles]

Thanks everyone. I know his behaviour isn’t normal, he checks my phone sometimes and following a party I went to he deleted the photos I took and (detail removed by moderator). I mean, who does that sort of thing?? We tried counselling (detail removed by moderator) but he won’t go back, probably as his controlling behaviour was pointed out to him!

I have tried the helpline but it was constantly busy and he doesn’t go out much so I’m limited when I can try, I will persevere though and get some more advice on next steps and keeping safe.

Thanks for listening and offering support, it means a lot.

[Escapee]

That’s what we’re here for. I know I would be lost without these amazing women xx

[Author]

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