New and Numb

[ifiwasaspoon]

Hi everyone I’m a survivor of physical and mental abuse that lasted over a long period of time. With support I’m glad to say I’m out of the situation and I’m doing ok, I have good days and bad, I have ptsd with flashbacks, the smallest of things can trigger me off and I now have anxiety, my nerves are bad and I find it difficult to talk about things that have happened, I feel numb to things around me, how long does it last I’ve no interest in being with anyone and I feel noting but repulsion And anger for my perpetrator they get on with there life while I feel numb and pretty damaged. I’m in a much better place than I was by far and it took lots of attempts before I got away but I did it, is it normal to feel well numb?

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome. Yes, it’s normal to feel numb. It’s normal to feel a huge range of emotions and they will all be felt in the coming months and years. The early days are the worse. When we live with abuse we close down our emotions so when our brain senses we are not in danger anymore it then has the headspace to work through the trauma it couldn’t while taken up with danger and keeping us safe. Fight Flight or a Freeze. Are you having counselling? I’d definitely recommend therapy and I also educated myself on abuse as it helped me understand what happened. I was in a state of shock and trauma for so long. I needed to learn to manage triggers, yoga and meditation where good to calm the brain. Mindfulness to ground yourself. It’s a long healing process and I describe my PTSD as dragging a sleeping wolf with me. The abuse and anxiety and depression were manageable because I knew what they were and could predict most of it but PTSD derailed me totally but you can learn to manage that too and manage the triggers when the come. Being very kind to yourself, eating and drinking and sleeping (when you can) are all major things to help. Limit yourself to three things a day so there are no added stresses in your life just now. Healing from mental injuries is just like healing from physical in many ways so don’t be hard on yourself. Just take that time to recover at your own pace with supportive people around x I know you feel like you won’t ever recover from this but you will and when you feel low, tell yourself ‘this too shall pass’ 💕

[Lisa]

Hi ifiwasaspoon,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the support you are looking for with others who understand. Well done for leaving your abuser, it must have taken such courage. It is great to see KIP has replied to your post with some great suggestions and advice.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Please do keep posting to us when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[ifiwasaspoon]

Thanks kip for your advice, I am trying to look after myself I’m tired so I am trying to rest when I can, I get annoyed with myself as i keep having dreams where I’m trapped, trying to get away then I wake up thinking you’ve taken enough off me without Having my dreams as well as stupid as that sounds, i haven’t tried any kind of therapy yet I am looking in to it but don’t know how I’d feel speaking about things I think it’s been my coping mechanism to blank things out, I’m glad your free of your abuser and I understand how you feel with your ptsd your so right for me it’s like dragging a weight around with me some days it’s lighter than others, I find myself remembering things that I had forgotten about by a noise or a smell, my anxiety kicks in Then I try and think about something nice and like you said now I will think this will pass..

[ifiwasaspoon]

Thanks Lisa for the link I will Bear that in mind, I’ve been looking at the forum for a few weeks plucking up the courage to post it’s been a comfort and a strength reading some other posts on here realising your not alone and that actually the emotional rollercoaster your on is normal, im so glad to be away from my abuser I’m just taking a day at a time I never thought I’d have the strength to stand up to my abuser and get away but I did.

[iliketea]

@ifiwasaspoon (think thats one of the best names Ive heard on here!), welcome, and well done for standing up and getting out, and take each day as it comes, and it will pass if its a bad one, its the beauty of life isn’t it, everything does pass. This is keeping me going at the moment, getting up each morning and knowing that if its a bad one I can go to bed at night, and there will be a shiny new day the next day to have another go. Sending hugs and strength to get through this bit. You will. You’ve done the hardest bit. And to answer your question, yes, I think numb is another body response to keep you safe. Whilst you process and work through things, if you’re numb it helps to do that, if you can surround yourself with healthy relationships, any unhealthy ones, avoid, you need kindness and people who will support you, the numbness will subside in time, you’ll feel again when your heart, soul and body is ready and knows you are safe. xx

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