- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 2 months ago by HollyBerry.
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25th January 2021 at 4:54 pm #120351HollyBerryParticipant
Hi,
I’m new to the forum. I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from traumas from childhood to adulthood (sexual and physical). I met my now husband aged (detail removed by Moderator) and started dating when I was (detail removed by Moderator). I moved in with him (detail removed by Moderator) months later after living at home become intolerable. My husband is (detail removed by Moderator) years older than me. I’ve been in and out of therapy since my late (detail removed by Moderator).
I started a degree in my (detail removed by Moderator) and got triggered by someone else’s story and it caused a flashback and a memory re-surfacing. I was raped by my husband. I have a dissociative disorder so I remember what happened and where but no timeline. It felt like the bottom fell out of my world and everything I thought I knew and trusted was gone. The hardest has been to find support. It seems everyone wants me to try marriage therapy (we have tried but the therapist didn’t seem interested in how I felt about what had happened or my trauma history. Just told me that she thought I was also on the autistic spectrum and my husband that he shouldn’t have done it and it must never happen again – and that was in our first, preliminary session and she didn’t seem to want to see us again).
I struggle with trust anyway – my parents were physically abusive, my first teacher – and then I was sexually abused by a Police Officer.
My husband knew everything I had gone through – he was there when I had nightmares as a result of the sexual abuse and when I struggled to have sex with him due to flashbacks. I just can’t believe he would do this to me too đ
I just don’t feel I can get past this đ I don’t know what a ‘normal’ relationship feels like and my husband is also on the Autistic Spectrum.
I’m scared of leaving or staying, confused, hurt and I’m sorry if I shouldn’t even be here đ -
25th January 2021 at 5:01 pm #120353KIP.Participant
Hello and a huge welcome to you. Well done for sharing your dreadful experiences here. It sounds horrific. The therapist doesnât sound very good at all. Rape is a serious criminal offence and she seems to have minimised this. Couples therapy is not use when youâre with an abuser as they will twist things. Iâd look for a therapist you can see on your own without telling your husband. One who specialises in sexual and domestic abuse. Read the other posts on here and Iâm sure you will recognise a lot of the abuse you suffered too. Talk to your GP. Abuse destroys our self confidence and can make us feel crazy.
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25th January 2021 at 7:56 pm #120363HollyBerryParticipant
Thank you – I’m currently seeing a therapist with experience in trauma and domestic violence. My GP knows but all they say is ‘it only happened once’ and tell me to see a therapist. To me I don’t know if it only happened once – it just so happens I only remember once but thanks to my dissociation I don’t know. But even if it did only happen once, it still happened and is now triggering me. It’s what’s making me feel so confused I think – it feels like because I’m married it doesn’t count – but having been raped by 2 different men, it feels worse to me đ
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