New and starting over

[Startingafresh]

Hi

Not sure what to really say but this is a start.

I`m emailing now because I feel ready to share how I feel after leaving an abusive relationship. I have been reading the posts which help from others who have experienced abusive behaviour rather than been given advice from friends/relatives who want me to move on and forget but its not that easy – it takes time.

Since leaving Ive had to move away, change my job and I am living with family. I tried to stay but enough is enough. Since I left it has been really hard but each day hopefully it gets easier I just wish I could forget and move on mentally. Im determined not to feel this way next Christmas so looking forward to the end of this year as its been horrendous/traumatic but at least I got out I don`t think I ever thought that it would be possible.

Hoping next year will be better for us all.

[Kitkat44]

Hi @Startingafresh
Welcome, it’s brilliant that you have left, it absolutely doesn’t feel right that as victims we are the ones who have to start all over again. On the other hand perhaps it helps to be away from all the reminders of what you’ve been through.
Sending love xx

[Lottieblue]

Hello @startingafresh and welcome to the forum.
As @kitkat44 said, you have done so well to leave your abusive relationship. However we all know that there’s still a long road to recovery ahead! I would strongly recommend that you seek out a Freedom Programme near you (or online). It will greatly help you to re establish your confidence and your self esteem and to reassure you that you have done the right thing.
Keep coming back, we are all here to support you.
💕💕💕

[TrappedButterfly]

Hi Startingafresh

Welcome, it’s so great to hear you have managed to get out.

I have left fairly recently so totally get how difficult it is right now. I appreciate so much the support I have had around me in terms of family and friends. But I think no one truly understands how hard it is trying to move on from it all mentally.

From the help here I now know so much more. It really does not help when you have people around you saying that you’re out now, you’re free, move on. If only it was that simple hey.

Here it is so different, no one will judge, and everyone here understands how hard every step is.

As Lottieblue said, keep coming back, we are all here to support you xx

[Startingafresh]

Hi

Thank you for your support. I am going to make some enquiries about the Freedom Programme. I am going to get back in touch with my domestic abuse support worker.

When I was reading some of the posts it helps when you read others are experiencing the same emotions as you and that you are not alone. The sudden major life changes I have had to make and still trying to get my head around I never thought in a million years I would go through. But I bet everyone thinks that and I know I am stronger than I think – we all must be to just live with domestic abuse.

I am going to try and get some emotional support unfortunately leaving suddenly I did not get to plan and I cannot really afford private counselling. So going to enquire about the Freedom Programme and keep posting on the forum.

I know things will improve its not going to be easy but at least I am out of it recovery starts here.

Starting afresh xx
PS Im going to have to check the rules of the forum so apologies if I have nt replied correctly.

[Birdykiss]

Well done for leaving I am new here not sure how to start a forum so I havnt left yet am so confused been in this relationship (detail removed by Moderator) years have 2 children it’s the religion of my oh that’s the problem I am expected to be and act accirding to there religion I don’t even no who I am anymore can’t drink can’t go certain places can’t even eat certain things I feel so trapped.the oh makes me feel like this is. What I have to do this is how I have to behave I am surounded by him and his family I have anxiety I feel like am treading in egg shells when he’s there I just don’t even no if this is abuse I don’t no what it is I just need some advice please

[Startingafresh]

Thanks I`m also new to the forum but least you have made a positive step accessing the forum as you will be able to access support whether it is advice or information or how to get it.

I only accessed the site after I left as I was frightened to search any domestic abuse information as I knew he monitored my internet usage which was a problem when I was working from home in lockdown and I wish I had accessed it before as it would have helped but I had to leave suddenly.

It must be really difficult for you and especially as you have 2 children I know what you mean about walking on eggshells and anxiety as mine eventually caused stomach problems which has majorly improved.

Take care and keep posting.

[Anonymous]

Leaving an abusive relationship is so different from leaving a normal one, they won’t understand, your left with nightmares, fear, ptsd, distrust in people, anxiety and everything else that comes with it, well done for getting out, I love your determination to look to the future and pushing yourself forward it can give others the hope they need that it can be done (it is a battle but it can be done) Thankyou for sharing your experiences and giving hope 💗💞💗

[Startingafresh]

I dont think they do understand its a major life changing event I found it difficult answering friends direct questions about what I was doing although it was well meaning but it triggered my anxiety and panic that I was in this situation – living it. Its the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about on a night and I just try and keep my self busy in between to stop thinking.

As you say at least I am on my journey of recovery it may be slow but I will get there or he has won. Due to some of his vindictive actions since leaving I am careful of details I am posting because I still surprise myself at the fear/panic I experience fearing what he will do.

I took the advice of no contact it was brilliant – I no longer react the only contact would ever be through a solicitor and I`m sure he is aware of this now since there has been no direct contact for (detail removed by Moderator) months.
Here`s to a better New Year to everyone!

[Anonymous]

Aw everything your saying is so true, it’s a toxic ordeal being with them and a toxic ordeal when your out, but then your left with yourself to deal with it and it’s horrendous to say the least, no contact is an amazing thing, it limits their harassing/abusing/manipulating behaviours, I completely get the ruminated unwanted thoughts, I hope for a better new year for you too (and everyone else on the forum) sending kind thoughts to you for your recovery journey, 🧡⭐️🧡

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